Testing times again
Today is one day that really irritates me.
It’s car test day.
I’m not quite sure why it irritates me so much. I am confident that the car is sufficiently roadworthy and if it isn’t then it would just involve a quick fix.
One thing that pisses me off is that every year they seem to stick in extra standards. When I did my first test at the time they introduced it, it was basically a case of testing brakes and lights. In other words, is the car safe to drive without the threat of falling apart.
Over the years, things have changed. I couldn’t possibly list off all the points they test now but to give an idea of how unbearably officious they have become, one year they threatened to fail me because there were dog hairs on the back seat. Another time I was warned that I had to change all my tyres, not because they were worn or in any way in bad condition but simply because they were nearly over a certain age. What next? Will I fail because I had a puff of the pipe on the journey in, thereby threatening the very life of the tester with my second, third or fourth hand smoke? Will the driver’s seat be comfy enough?
I’m also expecting a bit of a fight over the cost of the test. This depends entirely on the mood of the bloke behind the counter. I am supposed to get a free test because I booked it online last December and today was the first available date on the system [yes, you read that correctly]. In their charter or whatever they call it ,they promise a free test if they can’t fit me in withing 28 days of booking, so I think around 180 days should qualify?
I suppose before I leave I had better give the car a final check? Make sure Penny hasn’t left a shit on the back seat? Tune the radio to the tester’s choice of station? Make sure the horn beeps at the correct frequency? Make sure there aren’t too many keys on my key ring?
Wish me luck…..
Same nonsense in the UK. It started in 1960 as the ‘Ten Year Test’, clue’s in the name, it then only applied to vehicles more than 10 years old, covering brakes, lights, steering & tyres – that had a valid benefit in eliminating many thousands of moving pre-war death-traps from the roads but, since then, the range of idiocy has multiplied, it’s also annual and from 3-years old now. Fuel filler-cap? Interior door handles? Whatever next? Security of cup-holders? Operability of Bluetooth?
Bizarrely, it ceased decades ago featuring any road-test – a 5-minute road-test would demonstrate for more to an experienced mechanic about basic safety than any amount of ramp & roller time.
And it costs more than £50 list – it’s carried out by private garages in the UK, so many will discount that figure, but who knows how many ‘faults’ they choose to find to cover their losses with the repair work? Or am I being cynical?
I’m not sure of the age the car testing starts but if it’s less than ten years old it has to be tested every two years, and over ten it gets tested every year. Thanfully I’m in the two year bracket so my next test is January ’25. The test has to be done at a test centre operated by a firm contracted by the gubmint. The test centres are huge custom built hangars and they are few and far between.
My first car was a Morris Minor which cost £35.00 and wasn’t worth a penny more. Even though the test was elementary in those days, one item was to ensure that the driver’s seat was securely fastened to the floor. The examiner got hold of the seat back and swung it from side to side through a 30° angle. It still passed as the seat was fixed to the floor, but that was rusted off the frame. Good times.
That sounds a bit like my first car – an Austin Mini. It was the most basic vehicle with none of the gadgets that are now standard. It was great fun to drive especially as it had extremely bad brakes [I would have to pump the pedal like mad to slow down]. I eventually got them fixed after ramming another car up the arse. I think my Mini was one of the reasons they brought in the car testing….
I like all that, Tim!
My dad gave us his old Fiat 500 years ago, as it wasn’t going to pass its MOT.
I worked for an industrial window company back then, so spent a happy weekend tap-screwing all sorts of aluminium strips all over the floor, and even used an aluminium greenhouse rafter as a new cill! Painted the whole underside black, and it passed with flying colours and even went on for five more years!
Sold it for £35.00 in 1980 to a sheep farmer on The Marsh, who wanted it as a run-around instead of using an expensive tractor, and he used it off-road for ages afterwards!
By the way, Grandad, I guess this track on the player may add to the list of stuff that can make life difficult for you…
https://youtu.be/ynbh8b8s0PM
Nice one! Mark makes an appearance later on in my list with a nice little instrumental piece.
Glad I gave it away Grandad.
I passed the test. Everything was fine and dandy but I have to change all my tyres in the next two years as they are absolutely fine but apparently are too old.
Don’t need to waste money on unnecessary new tyres just for the date nonsense. Borrow a set of wheels & tyres from a newer car, send yours in for the test with the newer boots on, pass the test, swap them back. Buy the lender a pint, job done. Happens all the time.