One of the first things I do after switching on is to have a brief gander at the news.

Basically this is just to reassure myself that World War III hasn’t broken out in my absence.

The BBC seems to be a little obsessed with various crises around the world and invariably there’s one in Afghanistan, Syria, Somalia, Russia or somewhere else.

The Daily Mail [UK version] tends to rely on “exclusives” usually about something utterly trivial, and of course a swathe of “celebrities” in swimwear or just underwear.

I gave up on the Irish Times. It used to be reasonably reliable but now it’s full of obvious click-bait.

My favourite though has to be The Irish Examiner. This used to be The Cork Examiner and while its masthead changed, its reporting remains deliciously parochial. This is were to find the real news of the day. I collected a small sample from the last few days.

Congestion charges ‘will be welcomed once in place’

Of course they will. We all love being ripped off at the slightest excuse and are only too delighted to add an extra expense to our journeys.

Defend art from soup throwing: new guidance issued for protecting artwork and exhibits

This is a headline I had to read a couple of times before realising they are serious. Why only soup? Why not baked beans or even paint? They seem to be remarkable specific in their guidelines so I can only conclude that soup has some special corrosive properties.

Battle to reclaim skeleton of Napoleon’s horse for North Cork appears to be lost

Brilliant! I didn’t even know that Napoleon’s trusty steed was revered so much. Why not stick up a skeleton of any old deceased nag? Nobody could possibly notice the difference. Unless of course the horse in question had six legs or something?

English care home resident fulfils dream of watching male striptease show at 92

This little headline is worthy of the Daily Mail [UK version] but is probably put in to show how International the Examiner is.

High Court judge refuses to recuse herself from Ammi Burke unfair dismissal case

This is the latest headline and once again we are back to the Burke family. Her brothers Enoch and Simeon have recently and thoroughly pissed off various judges by ranting and raving in court so it seems that Ammi is determined to follow her brothers’ example. There again, the Burke family seem to have a bit of a love for the courts as a brief read of this will show..

Definitely the Examiner is the one to watch.