Life has a habit of throwing little wobblies at me.

For many years our postman was Jimmy. He was a very amiable chap and knew my lifestyle well. Usually he would deliver the post around midday and if there was a package for delivery he would ring the bell and we’d have a grand chat and a laugh.

Occasionally I would either be having a lie-in [ah the good old days] or would forget to draw back the bedroom curtains. Closed curtains in the bedroom window was a sign he recognised and would quietly leave the parcel in the window box behind the geraniums. The system worked very well.

Jimmy disappeared and a new chap took over. I have no idea of his name and have only spoken to him very briefly on a couple of occasions in the last years since Jimmy left. New Postman delivers at the crack of dawn – usually before eight – and on the very rare occasion where he rang the doorbell he would chuck the package into my hand and then run.

Most of the non-letter stuff that arrives here is delivered by couriers so Postman isn’t involved. The couriers are a lazy bunch of fucks and they just chuck the parcel over the gate where it usually lands in a puddle. A couple of years back I had a laptop delivered by courier and it sat in the puddle for two days before I realised it had arrived.

Today I was in the front of the Manor and checked in the porch to see if there were any letters. We get very few but it’s always worth checking just in case some solicitor is trying to contact us to tell us we have inherited a fortune from some distant relative. Sure enough there was a note shoved through the letterbox. It was a form filled out [with a hastily scrawled handwriting at 7:49am] saying we have a package.

I hate those forms. They mean only one thing – I have to drive into Skobieville to collect the package. Fuck!

I had planned on dropping down to the village this afternoon to buy a couple of essentials and maybe have a leisurely coffee after. Now I have to drive all the way into Skobieville and won’t have time for a coffee.

Why couldn’t the twat just leave the package in the window box?