Its an emergency!

Yes, our National Emergency Coordination Group is meeting because they are expecting.. er… wintery weather. Winter has arrived and apparently has come as a complete surprise. Switch on the radio and all you’ll hear is dire warnings of cold, freezing fog and possible snow showers. The entire country is under an Orange Alert Warning that temperatures might even drop as low as minus five [Celsius]. May the gods help us for we are indeed doomed.

Last night they warned us poor people on the East Coastal Counties to expect snowfall. They were right. We had snow but I had to look long and hard to see that the little patch of white had indeed grown slightly. I checked my CCTV and yes, there was a dusting on the car roof that wasn’t there yesterday. I am truly fucked.

I had intended to cocoon myself for the weekend but that wasn’t to be. I got a phone call yesterday morning to say my new spectacles are ready. This of course involved a trip into Skobieville. Despite warnings that the town would be packed on a Saturday before Christmas I decided to suffer the pain and get it over with. Skobievile was almost deserted. There is something very grey and desolate about that town. There always seems to be a cold wing blowing down the man street, even on warm summer days. Yesterday it was a northerly blast which didn’t improve my mood. One thing I did notice is that a lot of the tattoo shops have turned into phone repair shops. Weird.

I collected my glasses and decided to buy a new pair of shoes. I have no idea why as I have several pairs but I was told to buy so I bought. This of course involved a longer walk than intended which didn’t improve my mood even further. The worst part was a confirmation of a suspicion I have had for a while – walking is becoming increasingly painful. The old hip joints are beginning to rattle a bit and could do with a liberal application of grease. That, however is a worry for another day.

My main worry at the moment is the pending emergency that everyone is getting so excited about. Is the clear sunny sky over my head at the moment about to suddenly dump a couple of feet of snow on me? What shall I do if the temperature does indeed hit minus five? As I type, there is a female from the Met Office on the radio telling us in a choking voice that there is going to be ice somewhere and cold everywhere else. She sounds like it’s the end of times.

May the rest of the world think of us here in Ireland as we endure this terrible emergency.

Where’s that Global Warming when we need it?