Yesterday was a bit of a day.

It started when the phone rang. This made me jump as, if you remember, our phone doesn’t work. The caller was from Eircom saying he had fixed our phone fault. Brilliant! I thanked him and that was that.

Except that it wasn’t.

I quickly discovered I had a phone but now the broadband was gone. Dead. Deceased. It was no more. I rang Eircom Man [when he phoned me of course I noted his mobile number] and told him the glad tidings. He muttered some very rude things and said he’d call back.

Call back he did. He came in and started messing around in my fantastic web of wires and cables all tangled up on the floor. After a lot of mutterings and several phone calls to various sections of Eircom he gleefully announced that he had to go to a meeting and that my broadband would be back imminently as someone else was working on it from some deep dungeon or other. He left.

A while later, I checked. My broadband was back. All was not well however as broadband was more very narrowband. I was only getting 6 when I should be getting at least 75. Bugger. I phoned Eircom Man. He said I was wrong. He said he had checked my speed and said I was fine. I said I had checked my speed and I was not fine. Impasse.

I had to go out then to bring Penny to the vet. When we arrived there she realised she had been had, as she thought we were going to the village. She demonstrated her displeasure by puking in the car park. I dragged her into the surgery whereupon she puked on their floor. Anyhows she had her monthly injection and a checkup and we left a lot lighter financially.

My normal route back from the vet is closed for some reason and this involves a major detour via the motorway where of course I got stuck in heavy traffic. I was crawling along inching towards my motorway exit when I realised all was not well. There was a stench, nay, a miasma. I couldn’t breathe. I had to open all the windows. It was foul as if the very bowels of hell had opened. I got home to discover that Penny had shat all over the back seat and herself. Fuck!

I cleaned the car as best I could and washed Penny down. She didn’t like that. She wasn’t having a good day, but then nor was I. I checked my broadband to see if a miracle had happened. It hadn’t. It was still stuck on 6. I gave up.

Much later I checked my broadband again as I am a firm believer in miracles. 75! Another miracle!

I then discovered that Dick Puddlecote is back.

Life ain’t too bad after all.