Within reason, we welcome visitors to The Manor.
Obviously we’re not going to welcome people we don’t like but in general the door is open for anyone provided they follow some simple rules of the house.
Our rules are fairly straightforward. Anyone who doesn’t like smoke is more than welcome provided they don’t mind sitting in the garden. We would ask visitors to refrain from helping themselves from our food supply [with the possible exception of Daughter but then only if she’s cooking a meal for us]. Another rule which I am fairly strict about is that we won’t tolerate visitors who shit on the kitchen worktops or shelves.
We had a visitor a couple of months back who abided by all the rules. He was quiet, obeyed all the rules and we became quite fond of him. He was welcome to stay.
But he vanished.
Now he’s back but has brought a couple of mates with him and they are violating two rules [not the one about smoking]. So they are no longer welcome. Far from being welcome, I have declared outright war and I will show no mercy.
I have set up the barricades. Everything edible is now contained either in tins, glass or hard plastic. They can fuck themselves if they think they can indiscriminately raid my sugar or Oxo cubes. The traps are set.
I’m just waiting now for the clack-squeak sound of success.