Yesterday I decided to find myself.
I have heard tell of people heading off to India or Morocco to “find themselves” but I decided to take the easy way out and do a drop of egosurfing.
I don’t know why I did it. Maybe it was something to do with the Spring Equinox or maybe a passing moment of idleness or insanity but I stuck my name into Google. That’s something I haven’t done in years, but I wanted to see just how famous [or infamous] I was. After all, if any old classmates or old girlfriends were desperately trying to get in touch, the first thing they would do is stick my name in Google? That’s assuming of course that they can remember my name.
I don’t have a very common name such as John Smith or Pat Murphy, but neither do I have an uncommon one such as Heathcliff Ponsonby-Arsehole. I expected to find a few but 7,600,000? Really? Wow! I started scrolling.
I discovered that I have actually been knighted as a war hero amongst other things. I am a doctor many times over and am actually an active Anti-Smoker [which I find mildly amusing]. I lost count of the companies I run. I feature prominently in sport of various flavours but seem to have a particular fondness for the legal profession. In that vein I have also featured as a member of a family involved in a rather nasty murder.
I also discovered I have died. Many times. I died in the World Trade Centre amongst other places. My obituaries are all over the place. My latest death was only last week though I never felt it.
I decided to narrow the search a bit and added “book” to the search. Surely few of my previous and current incarnations would have written a book? Wrong! I’m also a prolific author with many titles under my belt and even one or two best-sellers.
The one thing I didn’t find was me.
I’m quite pleased with that. There is a trend amongst modern yoof to hanker for fame and “celebrity” status. This is an ambition that completely stumps me. In my day ambitions usually stretched to being an engine driver or a fireman. Now all they want is to be famous. They subject themselves to horrific and embarrassing television shows and stick up bland videos of themselves in the hopes they’ll be “discovered”. Give me anonymity any time.
So it appears I have achieved my anonymity. I am “under the radar”. I am “off-grid”. I am nobody and I am delighted. No one can find me.
Sadly that also includes all those past girlfriends who have since realised their mistake.
Did the same a year back; also did not find myself.
I did discover, though, that it was highly likely (say, oh…in the 99% range) that I was a person of color.
Learn something every day…
Did you not think of looking in a mirror?
I once typed my full name into Mr Duck's most excellent engine of searching.
I was top.
Nope. I tried that. I'm still a [be]knighted general though it tells me I'm mentioned in Linkedin over 400 times. Also that I'm dead again.
My infamy has slipped: I am now number 3.
I'm sorry for your troubles. At least you still exist?
I have to confess that I was doing a UK mainly search. In 2 days I have slipped again; number 4. There is one dead bloke and a live bloke mentioned twice at Companies House.
Turning off the UK switch, Mr Duck adds four (apparently alive) Americans to put me at number 8 in the world rankings.
I don't think Mr Duck puts biscuits on my computer, so I assume he doesn't check to see what came up last time.
It seems I'm a multi-talented American film, television and stage actor of Italian and Irish descent and grew up in the suburbs of Chicago or A&R man ex lead singer of an early 80's band. Who knew, I thought I was a surplus to requirements programmer waiting for redundancy.
The Interweb is a real mine of information. Who knew we had all these alternate realities?
I am an old sea captain, also dead. Remind me to stay away from Hawaii.
A few years ago my real name and address featured on the googly thingy from previous membership of one once notorious (to lefties) political group, that seems to have vanished for the time being.
Probably feature on ze list somewhere.
I looked up my name and didn't recognize myself. I don't remember buying the sex toy or being prosecuted!
I searched my name and got 0 results, so I changed my name and found out I'm a filthy rich internet mogul living in the Seattle Washington area.
Now you got me doing it. Seems I'm a well known doctor and a well known scholar. Doctor of what, scholar of what, I didn't bother finding out. Otherwise I, myself, do not exist. Not even on Facebook where I use my full name (I think I have it set for non-existence anyway?). Not even on the online phone books. Amazing.
I did stick "Head Rambles" into Google and with one exception the entire first page of results were you. First, of course, was your
infamouswell known blog–as it should be–and the rest of the results were for your book. The prices range from $15.95 (Walmart–out of stock) and the rest were around $40 (Amazon, Ebay and so-on). I have a copy in our library sitting proudly on a shelf and it's priceless. I even read it.