We have a [non-paying] guest at the Manor.
Bailey is a sort of miniature Staff. He’s all bone and muscle and for his size he’s remarkably heavy. Daughter turned up yesterday and just dumped him on us. She reckons he needs a holiday and thought he might cheer Herself up [not that she needed cheering up]. So he is here for a night or two
His hobbies are chewing his own feet, teaching foreign languages to small children [actually, I made that up], eating shite [I didn’t make that up] and farting.
He has certainly taken a shine to Herself and has a habit of launching himself unannounced and crashing onto her bed and then snuggling down to lick her face [usually after a feed of shite in the garden]. His middle name is Chaos.
The only real problem is the farting. He is one of those dogs who will drop one silently and feign complete innocence. In the meantime the air starts to shimmer and the stench fills the room so I have to rush to open all the windows and doors. One blast is sufficient to knock a considerable hole in the Ozone Layer and is equivalent to about ten tear gas canisters. He could quell a riot with one blast. Take a deep lungful of concentrated Sulphur, Methane and Ammonia and you’ll get a rough idea. He is a true master of the SBD [Silent But Deadly].
I haven’t yet worked out Daughter’s tactics. Unfortunately I taught her well so she is now incredibly devious so her motives should never be taken at face value. Is she just lending us Bailey for a day or two? Or is she just going to forget to retrieve him leaving us to inherit him?
He is actually quite a loveable animal. He hasn’t an aggressive bone in his body and just wants affection all the time. Bliss is having his tummy rubbed, whereupon he starts groaning and sounding like a lawn mower.
If it wasn’t for the farts…….
Thanks for a much needed laugh! Shimmer in the air … I could clearly see it in front of me :-)))
There are few laughs available in the UK at the moment, what with Lockdown 2 – Revenge of the Numpties – but you have really cheered me up. It may take a while to get the wine off the keyboard but it's a small price to pay. Keep it up.
You could try varying his diet until a less aromatic outcome is achieved (if ever). I may have mentioned one of my charges (Gordon setter) who had a special diet. I once fed him with the same food as some other charges (vanilla Labs) ate (we were visiting), and the results were pheronominal. Even my sister, who was also visiting, commented. It took a while to wear off.
Hope this helps.
Not vegan, is he?
Maybe that is why daschounds.
They got longer and longer in order to get away from the aroma.
Interior designers keep especially odoriferous dogs for striking wood grain effects.
See ammonia fuming.
I'm with DP but it sounds like she has changed his diet for the worse and as soon as you sort out the stench she will take him back. Fill him up with cheap dog food and tell her that the stench is gone to teach her a lesson.
My intuition suggests the latter but what do I know? And what has Daughter been feeding him anyway? Hormel chili?
I feared the latter too. I had to phone her though and ask her to retrieve him as rows were beginning to brew between himself and Penny.
I never got the chance to experiment with diets as Bailey has gone home. As dogs go he's a lovely little dog even if he does look [and smell] like a turd on legs – he can't help his looks, can he? He is extremely affectionate and quite funny, but when he started encroaching too much on Penny's territory then he had to go. It's the only time I have ever seen Penny snap in anger so that was the clincher.