We have a [non-paying] guest at the Manor.
Bailey is a sort of miniature Staff. He’s all bone and muscle and for his size he’s remarkably heavy. Daughter turned up yesterday and just dumped him on us. She reckons he needs a holiday and thought he might cheer Herself up [not that she needed cheering up]. So he is here for a night or two
His hobbies are chewing his own feet, teaching foreign languages to small children [actually, I made that up], eating shite [I didn’t make that up] and farting.
He has certainly taken a shine to Herself and has a habit of launching himself unannounced and crashing onto her bed and then snuggling down to lick her face [usually after a feed of shite in the garden]. His middle name is Chaos.
The only real problem is the farting. He is one of those dogs who will drop one silently and feign complete innocence. In the meantime the air starts to shimmer and the stench fills the room so I have to rush to open all the windows and doors. One blast is sufficient to knock a considerable hole in the Ozone Layer and is equivalent to about ten tear gas canisters. He could quell a riot with one blast. Take a deep lungful of concentrated Sulphur, Methane and Ammonia and you’ll get a rough idea. He is a true master of the SBD [Silent But Deadly].
I haven’t yet worked out Daughter’s tactics. Unfortunately I taught her well so she is now incredibly devious so her motives should never be taken at face value. Is she just lending us Bailey for a day or two? Or is she just going to forget to retrieve him leaving us to inherit him?
He is actually quite a loveable animal. He hasn’t an aggressive bone in his body and just wants affection all the time. Bliss is having his tummy rubbed, whereupon he starts groaning and sounding like a lawn mower.
If it wasn’t for the farts…….