I really am impressed by the Virus.

Not only is it aware of pieces of cloth [any old piece apparently] and will shun people who have face nappies on but it has one really remarkable attribute – it can tell a person’s age. When you think about it age is a human construct based on the number of orbits of the Earth around the Sun and is therefore impossible to estimate without a considerable knowledge of mathematics and historical astronomical facts. Yet the Virus is able to determine a persons age.

How do I know this? Well, it’s obvious really. The Virus hangs around waiting for a suitable victim and will test a person’s age before attacking. Sixty nine years and eleven months? Steer clear and leave them alone. Seventy years? Attack and kill!!

The gubmint has copped onto this remarkable ability and has taken steps to thwart the Virus. Once we reach seventy we have to shut down again whereas those who are a few days off the milestone are free to live their lives as normal. If this Virus had struck just a few months ago I would have been grand but now I’m in mortal danger.

Of course the Virus has other amazing abilities such as the ability to count how many people are in a room, and even differentiate between a house and a church.

It really is an incredible wonder of nature.