For a while now people have been asking me if I’m “all set for Christmas”.
I’m never sure quite how to answer this. Is there some kind of check list I should be following where I have to tick items off as I do them? Depending on my mood I may reply that indeed, I am all set. Other times I may reply that I’ll be all set after three more trips to Dundrum Shopping Centre [Ireland’s great cathedral to the religion of consumerism] and once I have collected the turkey from Waterford.
The truth is that I am rarely set for today, let alone tomorrow or any day after. The only real planning I do is to ensure that the house is sufficiently stocked with whiskey, cigarettes and tobacco. The rest is done on a wing and a prayer.
As for Christmas, I suppose I had better do something. Maybe I’ll haul out the moth-eaten Christmas tree and stick it up with some tinsel on it in case the Grandsprogs call. I already have twinkling lights in place around the back room where I normally sit [they have been there for the last few years so I only have to switch ’em on]. There was a time I would fill the house with holly and ivy [both of which are abundant in the grounds] but I have little time nor energy for that these days. They always made a mess of the place anyway.
They say that Christmas is for the children and that is profoundly true. They really couldn’t give a shit about decorations, food or tradition so long as they get a load of [very expensive] presents. The Mob are talking about calling here on Christmas afternoon which is fine by me. There will be a brief moment of hysteria while they delve into boxes and wrapping, but by then I should be reasonably anaesthetised with a dram or five of whiskey. Sadly the visit will be a period of severe drought as none of them drink, but I can always revert to my little stash in the bedroom if things get too hectic.
So, am I all set for Christmas?
I just took delivery of a stash of Jameson.
If you are not ready just prorogue it for a few weeks and maybe wait until the weather is better. Hope you have a pleasant and relaxing Christmas.
I think we have had enough of prorogues? I hope you have a good one too.
Prorogues? Weren't they a pop group?
Glad you had a wonderful Christmas – plenty to complain about.
Hope you, Herself and your family have a happy, healthy* and prosperous New Year.
* "If I had a heart attack, it would give me a heart attack" Yogi Berra**
** "I never said most of the things I said." Yogi Berra
I always loved the Irish use of the definite article – "the Christmas" (An Nollaig?). It made the occasion precise and focused meaning that once the moment was complete, it could be quickly put away!
It should be precise. Or at the very most just the tradition of the twelve days.
At least the Hype is almost over and the today is a whole twelve seconds longer than the shortest day.