I had my first session today with the mob in the local [i.e. not the other side of the city] hospital.
It started off badly as I arrived on time but had a problem finding somewhere to park. I eventually found a spot and went to pay for it. In the past I have seen their clampers in action so I wasn’t taking any chances. Anyhows I discovered their Pay And Display machine wasn’t working as it just regurgitated any coin I put in. So I had to waste more time finding a machine that worked.
Then I had to try to find the Cardiac Rehabilitation Unit. Fuck me but that was a pain in the arse. I eventually found it behind a prefab which was hidden by another prefab which was hidden behind a wing of the hospital. Naturally by this time I was late. I found the room which I realised was the right place as there were two physiotherapists and seven blokes around my age looking somewhat bemused.
Anyhows, they welcomed me and wired me up. Fortunately this time I was connected to a portable machine which was strapped to my chest. They took my blood pressure and we were off.
First we had a sort of Line Dancing thing, prancing forwards and backwards and then sideways. The hardest part was synchronising my steps so I didn’t wallop into the blokes either side of me.
Then we hit the machinery. I was awarded first go on the bicycle thingy where I pedalled for a couple of miles. Just when I was getting into my stride I was switched to one of those conveyor belt yokes where i started to run. They took me off that straight away as for some reason they reckoned I was going to do myself [or the machine] some damage.
The rest of the session I was stuck on various machines where I rowed, boxed, pedalled with my arms, hopped on and off a box and generally tortured every part of me.
It did occur to me that everyone else had had a week of this and presumably they were all moving up a few levels. So I was started at a more advanced level which was mean of them.
At the end of the session I was taken aside to answer a few questions as a newcomer. Of course they asked if I smoked. The Antis spend their lives lying so it was only fair that I lied back? Fuck them.
I’m back again next Wednesday but have to go in early for a lecture on health.
I do not like being lectured at.