I am not a great believer in conspiracy theories.

Having said that I am beginning to think that something very strange is going on: something that cannot be explained by the laws or nature or physics.

My nights are generally fine. I get to sleep between midnight and one, and generally am up by ten or so. A grand nights sleep. There are variations of course where maybe Herself needs urgent attention in the early hours of seven or eight in which case I am just up early as it’s not worth trying to get back to sleep at that hour.

Now on the rare occasion an emergency arises in the early hours. It could be something simple like Herself falling out of bed or it could be something more serious. On these occasions I loose an hour or two of sleep and have an urgent need to have a good lie in after

How is it then that whenever we have one of those emergency nights, the Nurse chooses the following morning to bang on the door and wake me up again? It never fails – an emergency night invariably is followed by the Nurse calling early? It cannot be coincidence? I am beginning to suspect something of the Black Arts at play here. The nurses do it for the laugh – a spot of dancing around a cauldron with a spot of eye of newt and bits of frog to cause some kind of catastrophe in the small hours just so that they can wake me and laugh as I answer the door, bleary eyed, bare footed and wearing a dressing gown which is usually open at the front?

Maybe I should draw a Pentagram on the ground outside the front door?

Do I start wearing a necklace of garlic when I sleep?

There is something very strange going on.