I got up this morning in great form.
Having done all my usual brewing of tea and the like I remembered I had meant to phone Doc’s place this morning. It’s about time I had my 10,000 mile service where I get my pistons checked for slap and my nipples greased. I also have to get my non-dead certificate signed for the old pension.
I phoned his surgery and got an appointment for tomorrow which is grand.
An hour later I was sitting minding my own business when I coughed. I didn’t think twice about it until I coughed again. I then realised that my throat and chest were sore and I had aches developing all over the place. I also have a headache. I seem to have developed a full blown something.
Bugs in this house are rare. I suppose it’s because I’m not mixing with work colleagues or travelling much in buses. The only time I ever get a mild bug is after a visit from the Grandkids who seem to be mobile Petri dishes, particularly during term time. But I haven’t seen the brood for a few days [Daughter obviously doesn’t want anything?] and anyway it’s mid-term break.
So the only way I could have contracted anything was over the phone line. I had, when all is said and done, just phoned the hotbed of infestations that is Doc’s surgery. I didn’t know infections could travel down phone lines, but apparently they can. I suppose that if second hand smoke can travel through wires then so can viruses?
Does that mean I have infected anyone who reads this?
Not if they are running they are antivirus software.
What if it’s one of the new Super Bugs that can pass all defences?
Put your computer through a hot wash immediately to clear the infection.
Followed your instructions immediately.
Now my computer is dripping all over the place 🙁
Bung it in the microwave. That will evaporate all the water.
That did it. Need a new computer. Your fault!
Nonsense. You probably didn’t leave it in the microwave long enough. Ten minutes at 700 Watts should do it nicely.
It wouldn’t fit in the microwave, so I disassembled it and put the parts in. Everything’s looking fine again – only I got one screw over. Know where I should put this?
Didn’t you recently have the flu jab, oh dear, that`ll be self inflicted then.
I did. And when I see Doc tomorrow he shall face my wrath.
I have extensive empirical evidence of there being a very high positive correlation, in excess of 0.9, between seeing a doctor and dying. Given this danger, is it wise to see the doctor?
I’m not too sure about that. I thought it was soil. Did you know that virtually everyone who ever died had been in contact with soil during their lives. It’s deadly stuff.
You had gullible old me believing your for a while there. Until “I phoned his surgery and got an appointment for tomorrow…” Ha ha ha. Obviously this is pure fiction.
How dare you Sir. I am not in the habit of writing fiction here. If you must know, my appointment is at 2:30 this afternoon. He treats me with a modicum of reverence, mainly because he knows if he doesn’t treat me promptly and with respect, he’ll get a bad write-up here.
I’m safe from all electronically transmitted diseases–I run Linux! Does that mean that your phone as well as your body runs Windows? (Okay, so it’s late in the day and I haven’t taken my medication yet…or have I? Hard to tell these days.)
You know as well as I do that everything in this house runs on Linux, with the possible exception of the windows [Linux isn’t very transparent].
Of course I know that. I told you I hadn’t taken my medication yet…
…or had I?