I don’t know if I have a mini-rodent resident in the Manor.
When Herself talked about getting a cat, I convinced myself that maybe one advantage [amongst many disadvantages] was that he might keep mice at bay.
So far I haven’t seen or heard a single indication of a presence. No little shits around the kitchen and no scrabbling noises in the ceiling. Either of those is a sure fire sign of a mouse and I would almost swear on a pack of tobacco that the place is clear.
I have noticed some very small tell-tale signs that we may indeed have a small scale lodger. One day I noticed a bit of chewing on the corner of a plastic butter carton. It was just a little chew, but couldn’t be ascribed to the cat, the dog or Herself. On another occasion I took a pack of biscuits out of the cupboard and the end biscuit had been neatly nibbled around the edge. Both are sure signs of a mouse, but then he must be a very silent shitless variety? I put down a trap, but that hasn’t been touched, so I am baffled.
In the meantime, said cat has been really pissing me off. I decided to make a little list.
He is a very attractive colour and decorates the place nicely when he’s asleep.
I think I have seen one live spider all winter. I have seen loads of dead ones, usually deposited neatly in the middle of the floor. I can only assume that’s down to the cat?
He is fucking noisy. He seems to take delight in yowling at me for no particular reason.
He spends his time demanding to go out and come in again.
He is as greedy as hell. He yowls for food and when I give it to him he yowls at me anyway.
I keep tripping over him as he dashes between my feet.
He hates me. If looks could kill…. etc.
Any time he thinks I am having murderous thoughts about him he rips up the furniture.
He spends half the day ripping up the furniture.
He insists on trying to go places I don’t want him to enter and yowls in protest.
He’s a fucking hypocrite and pretends to love me whenever he wants something. He fawns all over Herself and she never gives him anything.
He’s as thick as pig shit.
I could go on but you get the gist?
I’m seriously thinking of getting Herself a present.
I’m thinking along the lines of getting him stuffed.
All the pros and none of the cons.
And I don’t mind spiders.