↓
 

A moose in the hoose

Head Rambles Posted on by

I don’t know if I have a mini-rodent resident in the Manor.

When Herself talked about getting a cat, I convinced myself that maybe one advantage [amongst many disadvantages] was that he might keep mice at bay.

So far I haven’t seen or heard a single indication of a presence.  No little shits around the kitchen and no scrabbling noises in the ceiling.  Either of those is a sure fire sign of a mouse and I would almost swear on a pack of tobacco that the place is clear.

However….

I have noticed some very small tell-tale signs that we may indeed have a small scale lodger.  One day I noticed a bit of chewing on the corner of a plastic butter carton.  It was just a little chew, but couldn’t be ascribed to the cat, the dog or Herself.  On another occasion I took a pack of biscuits out of the cupboard and the end biscuit had been neatly nibbled around the edge.  Both are sure signs of a mouse, but then he must be a very silent shitless variety?  I put down a trap, but that hasn’t been touched, so I am baffled.

In the meantime, said cat has been really pissing me off.  I decided to make a little list.

Pros:

He is a very attractive colour and decorates the place nicely when he’s asleep.

I think I have seen one live spider all winter.  I have seen loads of dead ones, usually deposited neatly in the middle of the floor.  I can only assume that’s down to the cat?

Cons:

He is fucking noisy.  He seems to take delight in yowling at me for no particular reason.

He spends his time demanding to go out and come in again.

He is as greedy as hell.  He yowls for food and when I give it to him he yowls at me anyway.

I keep tripping over him as he dashes between my feet.

He hates me.  If looks could kill…. etc.

It’s reciprocated.

Any time he thinks I am having murderous thoughts about him he rips up the furniture.

He spends half the day ripping up the furniture.

He insists on trying to go places I don’t want him to enter and yowls in protest.

He’s a fucking hypocrite and pretends to love me whenever he wants something.  He fawns all over Herself and she never gives him anything.

He’s as thick as pig shit.

I could go on but you get the gist?

I’m seriously thinking of getting Herself a present.

I’m thinking along the lines of getting him stuffed.

All the pros and none of the cons.

And I don’t mind spiders.

 

Comments

A moose in the hoose — 12 Comments

  1. Grandad,
    “In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” Terry Pratchett.
    Apparently, a little cotton wool soaked in either peppermint oil or ammonia, left in or close to suspected activity, will scare them off. Who knows, it may scare the cat off as well. Win-win.

    • Peppermint oil sounds fine but I doubt I would want my food cupboards smelling of ammonia?  I would have to leave bits of cotton wool all over the place too.  Maybe he has buggered off as the biscuit episode was a while ago.

      Maybe I’ll just lock the cat in the food cupboard for a week or two?

    • I saw that.  Very sad, and you have my deepest.

      I tend to respect and love all animals, especially dogs.  However I have to keep reminding myself of that whenever I see the cat.  If it weren’t for Herself, the cat would be a goner.

  3. Cats? mice? must be one of those gubmint propaganda jobs, it’s a fallacy. I didn’t have mice but got a cat just in case, cat brings bloody mice in every day and then lets them go! They’ve already eaten the plastic plumbing out of the bathroom and kitchen ceilings. I’m getting a terrier, in my experience that should solve both problems!

  6. “He’s as thick as pig shit.”

    Don’t be fooled. Cats learned long ago that pretending to be dim was the best possible way of ensuring (a) that you’re never expected to anything like sitting or offering paws in order to get treats or get fed – because you’re “too thick” to learn tricks; (b) you can come and go as you please, because you’re “too thick” to be taught to stick to a schedule of walks/bedtime/feeding (although where the last is concerned they do, strangely, seem to have the intelligence to tell the time, if dinner is late); and (c) no-one ever expects you to get a job, like guarding the house, or herding sheep, or catching crooks, or sniffing out bombs, or helping blind people, because you’re “too thick” to learn it. They aren’t even expected to catch mice unless they want to.

    Oh no. Cats in general are much, much cleverer than they ever let on. Now, how clever is that?

  7. We have 4 cats and two of them run on the huge-ish side. The third is rather tiny (the mother of the two huge-ish cats) and the fourth is the senior female who’s comfortably old and tubby enough not to bother with something as mundane as a mouse. The other 3 heartily go after the occasional mouse or chipmunk that decides our nice warm house is better than the bitter cold temperatures of the outside world during the winter months. The trouble is that chasing said rodent is about all they do. They don’t actually catch the little bugger. In the meantime they manage to wreck everything in their path while the chase is on. Including the downstairs toilet on the last occasion to the point we now have to replace the damn thing.

    And your cons list? That’s just normal cat behavior and they rarely hate their humans. They tolerate them instead. And, of course, they consider themselves far superior.

  8. Spiders. My Fermanagh aunt tells me that chestnuts, horse (conkers) sitting here and there about the place will keep spiders away.

    Mosques in Is to use blown/sucked out ostrich eggs for same reason.

    But ostritch eggs are hard to come by in Fermanagh.

    We once had a cat that would bring back wild life, still alive and let them loose. We think that is how we once got a mole in our lawn in our totally walled garden.

    Not a mansion sized walled garden by the way.

    Thanks for rambling. Cheers me up.

Hosted by Curratech Blog Hosting
↑