I made a decision last night.
I decided that today I was going to break with a lifetime’s habit and write something really witty and insightful. I didn’t know quite what the subject would be and knew that if I put my mind to it I could produce the goods when the time came.
This morning the dog barked and woke me at seven. I was late going to bed so that did not amuse. I dozed. The dog barked again at eight and woke me out of my doze. At this point I knew any further dozing was out of the question, so I got up.
I investigated and discovered that the first barking was at a parcel delivery bloke who had had the remarkable common sense not to wake me [he must have delivered here before?] and had just left the parcel outside the front door. The second barking was at the postman who must have wondered what the fuck a parcel was doing there. He probably decided it was likely to be a bomb and wisely left it there.
So there I was, half asleep and not in the best of form. I checked a few of my web sites and found a problem that needed attention pronto. I had just started on that little task when the village Sparky arrived. He was due tomorrow but we believe in surprises hereabouts. He set to work on the immersion cylinder that hasn’t worked for the last ten years or so.
Needless to say Sparky disconnected the power just as I was in the middle of uploading a few files. Fuck! The power came back so I resumed the upload. The power went off again. Fuck fuck! I decided to leave everything until he was finished. I was still very tired but dozing was still out of the question. I did a bit of tidying, putting a load of junk in the bins outside and freezing my bollox off.
Sparky finished the job [half the heating element had fallen off to the bottom of the cylinder so I suppose it was no surprise that it blew fuses?]. The power came back on. Sparky asked if there was anything else I wanted. I told him I needed a lift to the village to get some stuff. My car is in hospital since Sunday and I didn’t fancy lugging all my purchases back on foot. So I got my lift and told him I’d give him and extra quid or two if he’d wait and give me a lift back. He agreed but on condition I was quick as he had another job to do [he probably has the appointment for next Friday]. I rushed around the village and got my stuff. Fair dues but he dropped me back home again and actually didn’t charge me. He probably had a conscience about overcharging me for replacing the element?
So I finished my little Interweb uploads and turned my attention to this here site and that wonderfully hilarious and insightful post.
Except by now I was totally knackered. My brain is comatose and the flesh is weak. I was distinctly lacking in hilarity and insight.
That funniest post ever will have to wait until next year.