Strange things sometimes happen in this house.

We sometimes hear footsteps or smell strange smells, though we rarely actually see anything.

Now the house is a couple of hundred years old so I would expect some peculiarities, and if the house is haunted then I’m fine with that, seeing as I don’t really believe in ghosts.  No one to my knowledge has actually died in the house and the nearest graveyard is a long way off.

Sometimes though things happen for no apparent reason whatsoever and another mystery is added to the list.

There is an old television in the upstairs bedroom.  Herself sometimes sneaks up there when she’s supposed to be working, and will watch a drop of afternoon television.  It’s also great for the grandkids, and when they begin to annoy us, we lock them in upstairs with the television tuned to the Horror Channel.

A week or so ago, the remote control for the upstairs set went missing.  I did a cursory glance around the room but there was no sign of it, and I went on the usual supposition that it would turn up sooner or later under a pillow or under a bed or somewhere.  But it didn’t.

Missing items annoy me.  Even if they are utterly unimportant I still find myself glancing on shelves, in the bread bin or in the coal scuttle in the off chance whatever it is will be there.  So any time I was upstairs I would check the drawers and under the duvet but still no sign of the fucking remote control.  Herself was inclined to blame the grandkids [and in fairness, she’s usually right] but I pointed out that they hadn’t been up there in a while.  The only people who had been in the room were Herself and myself.  Neither of us had any reason to move the yoke, let alone hide it.

Last night I decided it was time to look properly.  I went up there with a torch [to see into the darker corners].  I stripped the beds and moved them around.  I checked in the most unlikely places but still no sign.  I cleared all the drawers and looked under stuff that hadn’t been moved in years.  I checked everywhere.

Now I don’t know why on earth I did it, but I rammed my arm in under one of the mattresses, and there was the control.  It was exactly where I had plunged my arm so how the fuck did I know where to plunge?  Or indeed what possessed me to plunge in the first place?  Anyhows it was way in under the mattress about eighteen inches in, so it didn’t accidentally slip in there.  Herself couldn’t have put it in there as her arms aren’t long enough.  I know for a fact that I didn’t put it there.  I am assuming that neither of the animals would be capable of pulling off a stunt like that.

How the fuck did it get there?

I haven’t the remotest idea…..