I once heard the story that when stonemasons were building cathedrals back in the old days, that they always left a small imperfection somewhere in their work. They reckoned that only God was perfect, therefore to create perfection was an act of defiance and arrogance.
I have a small imperfection.
I know you al think I am the perfect specimen of Homo Sapiens, but I do confess I have one tiny flaw which prevents me from reaching godlike status.
I have a compulsion to do tiny things when I really know I shouldn't.
Yesterday I was messing about on my laptop and I booted into Windows to see if it was still there. It was, and there was a little new thingy on the task bar. Of course I had to click it. It asked me if I wanted to install Windows 10.
My flaw kicked in. I knew it would be a disastrous mistake. I knew I would regret it. I was like Doctor Strangelove trying hard not to give the Nazi salute. I tried with all my strength not to click the mouse button, but it was no good. The screen happily announced it was installing.
That was five and a half hours of my life I will never get back.
I went down to the village. I did some gardening. I drank several mugs of tea. I nervously tried to enjoy a pipe-full. And all the while that little percent yoke crept up through the double figures.
Eventually it rebooted and announced that all was done. It rebooted again.
"Hi" it said.
Now I don't know about you but I strongly object to being greeted on familiar terms by a lump of electronics. I am the master here, and I don't run with all this overfamiliarity.
It then announced that "we are setting up your computer with all your preferences" or some such shite. Who is this "we"? Does my laptop have a split personality, or does Microsoft really think I am stupid enough to think that there is a team over in Seattle frantically programming my laptop while I wait? They can fuck off with their "we".
Eventually it settled down and I was presented with a horrible black screen.
I nervously clicked on the little button in the corner and up sprang all those ghastly tile yokes along with a menu which tried very hard to be helpful but wasn't. I like my programmes to be organised and not just thrown up in alphabetical order. I don't know half the names of my programmes so it is a pain going through the list trying to work out which programme I want.
I tried clicking on a few things and entered the nightmare world of Microsoft – nearly everything I clicked wanted me to sign into something. Apparently everything on my laptop has to be shared with the whole world? I went into the Preferences section and in one area found a list of programmes and whether I wanted to share them. Did I want to sign in for music? Did I want to share my location? Did I want to sign into XBox [what the fuck?]. Did I want to share my photographs? Did I want to share with Microsoft everything I did on my laptop so that they could "enhance my experience"? The list seemed endless and each time I clicked "no" it warned me that my programmes probably wouldn't work properly. The one feature it lacked was a button that simply said "NO, I don't want to share anything – just fuck off".
I hate it. And I am not going to try to get used to it. Why should I? My time is precious and I don't see why I should tangle myself up trying to get used to something "they" reckon improves my "experience".
So now I have to work out how to reinstall Windows 8 [which worked, and which I had tweaked to get rid of the fucking tiles]. But reinstalling Windows will fuck up my loading screen because Microsoft in their arrogance refuse to believe that there is any other operating system other than theirs. That means that when I have finished loading Windows, I’ll have to reinstall Linux [which I actually intended to do anyway as there is a little glitch in it].
I hate Microsoft and their damned Windows.
But even more I hate my little compulsion to click that little button "just to see what happens".