Every now and then something happens that really pisses me off.
The story of the latest pisser offer started last Friday. I said I would meet a friend for a few scoops in a pub.
It was not my normal choice of pub and was one of those that doesn’t allow smoking. So I met my friend and we had several nice pints sitting outside on a little terrace under a warm starry sky, while he talked and I puffed my pipe. Very pleasant and relaxing.
The daughter said she would give us a lift home and that was just grand. I sent her a text and packed up my pipe and baccy into my coat pocket. We brought our empties into the bar and headed outside. The daughter picked us up, deposited my friend off and then dropped me at my gate. All fine and dandy.
I let myself in, greeted the dog and Herself and sat down. Then I realised I had left my pipe in my coat pocket so I went out to the lobby to get it.
No pipe. No baccy.
My coat pockets were empty and my pipe and baccy pouch had vamoosed.
Now I distinctly remember packing the pouch and pipe in my pocket, but just to be on the safe side I called back to the pub the next morning. The bloke who had served me wasn’t on duty but they checked behind the bar while I checked the terrace out back. No pipe. No baccy.
Later that day I called back and Yer Man was back on duty. No. He had cleared up the terrace after we left all right, but no pipe. No baccy.
I turned the daughters car inside out. No pipe. No baccy.
I examined the ground from the gate to the door. I even checked inside the rubbish bins and under my car. No pipe. No baccy.
I have searched everywhere. They have to be somewhere, unless of course they had accidentally met with an anti-matter pipe and baccy and had mutually annihilated each other but I think I would have noticed that.
I am really pissed off. That was my favourite pipe, and now I have to send off to France for a replacement, and seeing as the pipes are individually hand made I know the new one won’t be like the lost one. They are fucking expensive too [but worth the money]. I also have to send off for a replacement pouch.
The worst part about the whole affair is that I am now spending my day examining the floor as I walk. I know it’s unlikely the pipe could be lying on the floor and that I have stepped over it many times without seeing it, but you can’t be too careful? I still have that funny feeling though that they will turn up somehow, and they will be somewhere really strange and I shall wonder how the fuck they ended up there. That has happened before.
The other alternative is that I give up the pipe.
That’ll never happen.