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My most loyal visitor

Head Rambles Posted on by

Newspapers keep a running tab on their circulation figures.

People who run sites like this also tend to have a passing interest in their readership figures.

Every now and then I delve into the morass of statistics and have a poke around to see what's going on.  If nothing else, it's good for finding broken links and stuff like that.  It is also quite heartening to see that I am not the only person who reads my shit.

One of the software thingies I use is a thing called Hitsniffer.  The more observant may have noticed that I have a link to them on the sidebar.

Now Hirsniffer isn't like Google Analytics or any of those, in that it tells me what's going on right now.  It's a lovely little[?] package and It has a nice little map of the world and anytime someone visits, a little blob appears over their hometown.  It can tell me quickly and easily who is referring visitors to this place or what keywords they are using.  It tells me the most popular pages on any given day and a ton of other shit besides.

I have learned two things recently.

The first is the countries where my readers reside.  It's a long list and includes such exotic places as Argentina, Botswana and Bradford.  Top of the countries list is the UK.  Over a fixed timeslot I had 1472 visitors from there.  In comparison the US has 648 and Ireland has 571.  So the UK sends more visitors than Ireland and the US combined.  So really this  appears to be in English site rather than an Irish one?

The other thing Hitsniffer does is it remembers what names people use if they comment on the site, so if any of you are online when I happen to have the programme open, I can see what you're reading.  It also has a facility that I can call you up and start a chat, but I reckon that would scare the shite out of people so I have never used it.

I asked it to tell me who my most frequent visitors are.  There are lots of familiar names in there, including my own, so you would imagine I am top of the list?  I'm not.  And nor are any of you regulars. 

I don''t know who my most loyal visitor is.  All I can say is that they are from the Harlow area of the UK, use Windoze 7 and Firefox 36 and their service provider is Virgin Media.  So far, they have visited this site 2,494 times.  I have some more little details but that's between me and them.

So whoever you are, I thank you for your loyalty.  You must be a right glutton for punishment, and that deserves a round of applause in itself.

Or maybe it's the Mercans spying on me again?

Is there an NSA/CIA/FBI/Homeland Security office in Harlow?

 

Comments

My most loyal visitor — 29 Comments

  1. And you thought we were gone.  Just because the van is no longer outside your house doesn't mean we're not watching.

    • I know you're watching.  Hitsniffer alerts me every time you stick your nose in.  Heh!

      • P.S. Why aren't you lot using Linux?  Or do you just love wasting Mercans' tax money?

    • That did cross my mind that it could be SS.  It would explain a lot.  Though I thought he would be using some Extraterrestrial software that was a bit more reliable than Windoze?

    • Er….  What?  You fooling or saying I'm fooling?  Expand and elucidate as my English teacher used to say.

      • I just wanted to mark April fools day….life has become so surreal it is no longer possible to identify genuine april fools pranks…what with warble gloaming and SHS stories abounding with tewworwists and false flags running amok the brain gets fried…

  4. The three letter acronym agencies just rent offices from Google now, it saves time and cafeteria is better. 

  6. That's actually kinda creepy, GD, knowing that you could be monitoring me as I type.

    I was hoping to keep my two-finger typing speed a dark secret. And now I can't even lie and say that I'm supercool like yourself, and use Linux like a boss. I'm going to have to admit my dirty little secret. (Grits teeth…).

    Yes, I use Windoze 7.

    There, it's out. (Sniffle…). It's because I had a difficult childhood, GD. It's not really my fault that I can't type and I use Windoze. I'm a victim of society and the uncaring rich. (Sniffle…) It's all their fault…

    On the bright side, I don't use Internet Explorer, so can I stay? 🙂

     

    • Seriously, I don't sit here all day staring at a fucking screen to see who is visiting.  I have a life.  So the chances of my seeing you as you are actually visiting are pretty damn slim. [near 0%?]

      Incidentally, your Firefox needs updating.  😀

      • I'm always a tad reluctant to update Firefox, ever since it moved my tabs bar from the bottom to the top, and it took me bloody ages to work out how to move it back down again. Also, the update window always pops up when I'm doing something else, so I tend to just close it.

        • Classic Theme Restorer – a handy little plugin for Firefox with a huge range of options.

  7. I think those things that get your town are actually getting the town of the first server you hit or something, not your actual town.

    They usually say I am from Blackpool or Preston and I'm from neither

    • Blackburn?

      Those geo placement thingies can be very unreliable all right.  As far as I know, Microsoft offices here in Ireland use an address registered in the US, so their visits won't register as Irish.  As far as I know.  I never take 'em as gospel anyway.

  8. I'm tryin to get on the loyal list. I'm reading backwards through the whole lot. I've made it to Sept 2011 so far I think. It's a great time killer when it's slow at work.

    • One of the main aims of this site is to strike a blow against modern capitalism by distracting people at their places of employment.  [I believe it's firewalled in quite a few companies?!!].  You have a way to go though.  You'll soon be heading into my mellow years.

    • I'll forgive that dig against Hitsniffer as you're a Linux user.  [Have you ever even seen it?].

      Jean is a lovely girl, but a tad ancient for me.  104?  Come on……!

  10. Hello Grandad

    I reckon your top visitor could be me, I tick all the boxes and have visited you daily over several years. We are about the same age and having seen your photo, even look similar. Over the years you have been an inspiration to me in these depressing times. Our views on life and politics are indeed very similar and I particularly enjoy your contacts with Supershadow, always a good laugh. Keep up the good work.

    • Welcome Geoff!!  Indeed it is yourself.  I was more than surprised when I saw your reply as I privately assumed that Google was doing automated scans or somesuch, and that nobody could be so masochistic as to visit the site that many times.  I only wrote the piece above for the chuckle.

      Anyhows I'm delighted that's cleared up and your name now stands proudly at the top of the Loyal Visitors list. 

      We look similar?  You handsome devil, you….!

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