I dropped by Dick Puddlecote's over the weekend.
In between rifling his fridge and raiding his drinks cabinet [I had to raise a glass to his sixth birthday?] I noticed he mentioned that this is Alcohol Awareness Week.
Now I wasn't aware this is Alcohol Awareness Week so maybe they should have an Awareness Week set aside to make us aware of all the various awareness weeks that we aren't aware of? It seems logical?
I did a little research and discovered that this appears to be a uniquely British event. There was no mention of an Irish Alcohol Awareness Week so I can only assume that they are aware that we are all aware of alcohol? The only site I could find here in the Emerald Isle was Alcohol Forum, but their latest news only goes up as far as the 1st of July. Maybe they suddenly became aware of alcohol and haven't been sober enough to write since? Seeing as they are funded not only by the gubmint [i.e. my taxes] but also by the EU [i.e. everyone’s taxes] they must be on one hell of a bender. Fair play.
I have been aware of alcohol from a very early age, though I could only speak its name later on when I learned to talk. I am aware of it every time I raise a pint of stout or a glass of the hard tack. I'm even aware of it when I sup a glass of wine around the neighbours when wine is all they have, so I'm not really sure if an Alcohol Awareness Week would benefit me in any way. However there is a problem with these awareness campaigns [apart from their being fucking stupid and irritating] is that the Nannies love using them to spout pure bilge in the guise of facts.
Nanny: Hello Grandad. Are you aware this is Alcohol Awareness Week?
Me: No, and I don't care.
Nanny: But are you aware that a million fluffy kittens die every time you drink a pint?
Me: Aw go fuck yourself.
You see what I mean? They bring out these awareness weeks to make us aware of all the stupid fucking idiotic "facts" they have dreamed up since the last awareness week.
Why can't the pubs hold an Alcohol Awareness Week? Maybe there is a person out there who isn't aware what alcohol is and that person really should be made aware? Think of the enjoyment? Think of the health benefits? Those people are missing out on the sheer delight of waking in the gutter at first light all covered in puke and diced carrots. Pubs should make us all more aware of alcohol by offering each one of us at least one free pint a night.
I'd drink to that.
Oh, and Happy Anniversary, Dick!