I have a confession to make.
For forty and a bit odd years I smoked a pipe.
I confess that last week I was tempted to try an electronic cigarette.
Now I am a crack addict.
I drink drain cleaner for breakfast and spend the rest of the day smoking, snorting, injecting and shoving things up my backside.
My wife has left me and I have sold the dog into prostitution, to feed my €500 a day addictions.