I am not a great fan of television.
If I were living on my own I would probably dump the device as it would only gather dust in the corner. However, Herself likes it and it calms her down and saves a small fortune on Prozac. Stick her in front of the television with a bottle of gin and peace reigns throughout the land.
If I am home of an evening I take on the duty of muting the box when the advertisements come on. I am quite adept at this and haven’t heard an advertisement in years. That still leaves the visual irritation though but there is little I can do about that.
Advertisements seem to fall into two categories these days – those that assume we have an infantile mentality and those which assume we are brain-dead altogether. I would like to point out a few simple facts for the advertisers which may not help in the promotion of their produce but at least won’t force me to avoid their shit like the plague.
For a start I am not impressed with animation. Cartoons are for five year olds and animated household items fall into that category. I am not going to buy a box of something simply because you show it dancing around the screen, nor am I going to buy something because you have illustrated it with little pointy nosed people [who I find distinctly disturbing and exceedingly irritating].
Forget your computer generated characters too. There is an advertisement that shows people living on little planets where the service man calls. It is a fucking pointless campaign – we do not live on little planets and I do not see the point in claiming that we do. The characters in it too are rather creepy and make me feel vaguely nauseous.
If you want to show little Pacman like characters gobbling up germs then feel free, but do not insult my intelligence by putting up a little sign telling me it is a simulation. I fucking know it’s a simulation and a bad one at that.
If that’s your ad for a laxative potion, then I would advise you rethink your tag-line – I do not want a laxative that “works while I sleep”. I like to be wide awake when I am having a dump, thanks very much.
I actually saw an advertisement the other night that droned on for its allocated thirty seconds and then invited me to visit Facebook to see the other exciting “episodes”. Why on earth would I wish to subject myself to more of your tat? You may think your little bit of film is some kind of epic cinematic genius but I don’t. Fuck off.
The bottom line is simple.
If you really want to persuade me to buy your junk then for fuck’s sake treat me like an adult and not some brain-dead moron.
I still won’t buy it but at least I won’t actively avoid it.