The Greens say they are proud of their achievements in government.
I have been trying to work out exactly what they did do.
For a start, they propped up the worst, most reviled government in the history of the state. By doing so, they helped bankrupt the country and hand our sovereignty to the EU on a plate. That’s quite an achievement all right?
They brought in an additional and totally unnecessary ‘carbon’ tax on all our fuel. Nice.
They nearly managed to ban light-bulbs. Hah!
They let a company rent out bicycles in Dublin. Big fucking deal.
But there is one achievement that stands head and shoulders above all the above. I didn’t really realise how major an achievement it was until a couple of days ago. My Damascus moment happened when I got a cold call. It was from Airtricity, and they wanted me to switch to their service. At least, I assume that was what they wanted because Yer Wan on the phone only got as far as mentioning the name of the company before I told her to fuck off and slammed down the phone. It was only after that that I realised why I had slammed down the phone. It wasn’t the fact that it was a cold call. It was because the mere mention of Airtricty conjured up an image of windmills despoiling the countryside, and worst of all, I had a vision of Gormless and The Grinner Ryan float before my eyes.
Yes. That is their achievement. After a short time in government they have managed to turn me into a rabid anti-eco-terrorist. I am now willing to do anything that would annoy Gormless and his pals. I know it is illogical but it just shows what a profound effect they have had. I will have nothing to do with anything ‘green’ If it’s bad for the planet, it’s good for me. Every night I stick needles in an effigy of Duncan Stewart. My green bin contains all my household waste, and the brown bin contains all my recyclables destined for landfill. Most of all, I collect all my toxic waste, like batteries and refrigerators, and I dump ‘em in the landfill myself, just to be sure no eco warrior waylays them.
I am now going to spend the rest of the afternoon cutting down trees and burning tractor tyres.
The Greens certainly had a profound effect on me.