And the sparks flew
Just a little update on this morning……
The electricians came, and were all cheerful. They were only going to cut us off for four hours.
I showed them my new arms shipment that arrived this morning.
They said they’d have our power back in half an hour.
They were very nice blokes. They never noticed the little bit of work I’d done last night. I was chatting to one of them at one stage and he asked if I was going outside the gate. I said I wasn’t, and he said it was just as well as there was a huge pile of poo there. I said I knew, because it’s there every morning, and that I thought it was the postman.
I thought I had better do my civic duty though, so I picked up the poo [both piles – they were soft, sticky and very smelly], and fecked them into the neighbour’s garden. But I was then left with a bit of paper covered in shit. So I set fire to it, and dropped it with all the other rubbish.
The power came back, half an hour later. I went out to thank the men. That’s when I saw the blaze! Flames were shooting twenty feet in the air, and my rubbish pile which I had been sentimentally collecting for the last couple of years was now blanketing the county in a thick pall of smoke. It smelt lovely. Obviously my little piece of shit paper had set the lot off. I don’t know what the postman ate last night but it was the most flammable poo I had ever seen.
All my lights are on now. Two aircraft have already tried to land here, in spite of the pall of smoke.
I think I’ll dedicate today to John Gormless.
Thanks! Grandad
I never much liked whipped ice-cream but now you’ve really put me off for life!
We had a break-in at home once while we were asleep and by the time the Gardai arrived to investigate, the burglar was long gone. The two Gardai rushed around with their torches, found nothing of course and before they left, they asked us to bring down any evidence to the station in the morning.
The following day, we found a giant turd in the garden (a sign of a drug addict apparently) and we were sorely tempted to bring it down the station for inspection! 😀
steph – You had the description to contend with – I had the real thing. Who gets more sympathy?
We had an attempted break-in about four years ago. We’re still waiting for the Gardaí. You really should have brought that turd around. You can be done now for withholding evidence. Have you still got it?
I so love your humor.
Our dogs always back up against a bush, clump of tall grass, or a yucca to poo. No.. we didn’t train them to do this they are just very thoughtful.
I’d put a roll of toilet paper out, just in case it’s the mailman, wouldn’t want him wiping his bottom with his fingers, and then touching my mail. Oh the horror!
I just finished my self-taught first-ever crochet project!
Guess what it was?
(Big hint… It was supposed to be blue but it turned out purple somehow.)
Grandad – if you find a fossilised poo outside your gate tomorrow, you’ll know who it’s from! 😆
Janeywan – I wonder if that’s why they’re called Yucca bushes? It’s a damn good idea about the toilet roll. I’ll build a little weatherproof box for it and hang it on the fence beside the gate.
K8 – I don’t need to guess. I just read your blog comments 😆
As long as it fits, and as long as it’s as well made as your school cardigan?
Steph – If you are leaving one there, could you mark it as yours, otherwise I might confuse it with the new one that the postman will leave.
I love it! That’s fantastic. Especially the post before.
Now, if only I could do that… and get away with it.
Welcome Digital 🙂 [Despite you causing the death of my good friend Analog]
Of course you can get away with it. Detailed instructions are available [usual – brown paper bag, used notes etc. Just ask Bertie]