The End of the World has been postponed
Last May, I wrote about how the world was going to end on November the 26th.
Scientists are building a yoke called the Large Hadron Collider [not a Large Hardon Collider – that’s a different experiment].
The LHC is designed to replicate conditions at the time of the Big Bang. Costing €3 billion, this machine will collide particles and recreate forces present at the origins of the universe.
However, there are concerns that these forces could cause a black hole which in turn could cause the Earth to suck into itself and disappear.
Scientists were quick to suppress fears. They had done their calculations. They had run computer simulations. Some of the greatest minds in the world of mathematics had worked on this, and they had calculated that the chances of a black hole were infinitesimally small. They pointed out that they were great mathematicians, and they had calculated, and re-calculated and that they never make mistakes
Unfortunately, the LHC exploded during tests.
Why?
Because they made a basic mistake in their calculations.
So the End of The World has been postponed until next year.
We apologise for the delay.
I was lucky enough to get a tour of that place a few months ago and when you the size of it and the sheer complexity of it all I’m surprised it’s taken this long for something to go wrong. This ain’t no microwave oven they’re building and it’s part and parcel of every experiment to have set backs. I can’t wait until they crank it up and see what they find.
I wouldn’t mind seeing it myself! It may yet turn out to be the world’s biggest cigarette lighter.
😉
I’m always worried that there is someone like Homer Simpson in the middle of such operations.
Might it possible to get the thing cranked up ready for the spring so that we could avoid Eurovision?
When they finally turn this thing on and create the Haggis Bosom (sp?) I’m not expecting a black hole or a big bang or anything so dramatic. I’m fairly convinced that the entire universe shall disappear and immediately be replaced with an identical one that is even more bizarre and unpredictable.
Ian – Check the control room to see if there’s a nodding toy duck pressing the “Any Key”. I take it you are not impressed with the great and glorious Eurovision?
Brianf – Maybe they already have run the experiment. I find the world very bizarre and unpredictable now.
Damn, and I had the paperwork all ready to present to Archangel Gabriel as I was shot into Heaven. Including the brilliant speech about all my virtues and talents that would guarantee a place at God’s Right Hand. Oh well, just have to put it back in the drawer for a bit. So what’s the revised date for Doomsday then (next year’s a little vague)?
Sorry, Nick. I don’t have a revised date. I think they may have lost their nerve and are refusing to give a date in case they blow it up again. The paperwork will keep. Just don’t forget to add any sins you may commit in the meantime….
Phoooey, and I had my anti black hole long johns all ready to go too.
I guess I’ll just have to wait until the universe ends naturally. Unless mankind succeeds in being ultimately ignorant and stupid and blows themselves to smithereens or ruins the biosphere altogether first.
I’ve been reading to much news lately.
Glad it’s postponed till next year! I might live to be 52, hate for the world to end on my birthday.
Grandad, you have a point with Brian – I bet they’ve ALREADY run that experiment thousands of times, and nobody knows it. Including them. We all keep getting set back a few years into a different time line every time they fire the damn thing up, just like that one Star Trek episode.
Hadron Collider? I thought it was a Hadron Collinder! And ther was me thinking Heston Bleumenthal had gone really hi-tech.
My theory:
Population ecology proves that a species may proliferate in a system whilst energy remains abundant. Once the energy runs out, the species collapses.
Think of this on a cosmic scale. I recognise there is a lot of energy out there, but if I was God, I’d make sure no single species got the keys to the whole space/time thing, or they would spoil the game for all the other species out there.
Now take the LHC. This tests our ultimate understanding of energy, matter and gravity. It may even provide the ‘theory of everything’ that makes it all work.
We’ve been looking out at all these black holes around the universe, some of which we can prove occurred via super-novae. I suggest someone tunes in to the radiation emitted by these to make sure some of them weren’t preceded by some scientist shouting:
EURE K A AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa a a a . . .
I truly hope the worries are as light as some of you have commented.
The possibility of creating black-holes is nothing new. For almost 15 years there have been theories that LHC could create black-hole. However, before recently, there were no theories that would suggest that this material would be stable, i.e., of the voracious planet-eating variety.
That has changed. There is now a theory that has been advanced that suggests that mini black-holes will be stable. The debate over this new model has been fierce on my Scientific American blogspace (go to SciAm.com and search for my name.) However, none of the detractors have done anything other than supply support for the new model.
Hi Hasanuddin.
“There is now a theory that has been advanced”
Are we still working on theories? Frankly, I’d rather go on proven facts before messing around with the potential end of the world. If there were even an infinitesimal chance then it should be abandoned.
It starts next Wednesday. We will have to wait a while for the high energy collisions though.