In Dublin's Fair City
I ventured forth last night into the Hell Hole that is Dublin City.
I had an invitation from the NetVisionary people to free drinks, which is always an incentive to an old codger. I think they just needed to satisfy their curiosity that I existed and wasn’t a geeky teenager.
I decided to drive in. I could have taken a bus or a Luas or the Dart, but in my new policy of being as eco-unfriendly as possible and creating the biggest carbon footprint I could, I decided to take the tractor.
It’s about ten years since I have been in Dublin. Now I know why. It is a mess.
One of the things that really p*sses me off on the roads is people who stop in the queue in front of me and insist on keeping their foot on the brake pedal. I was taught that this is a dangerous practice, but now everyone does it [exept me]. The result is that I’m sitting there with a massive array of brake lights six feet in front of me, trying to blind me. And brake lights seem to be getting bigger and brighter. And they are putting them higher up so they shine right in my face. By the time I parked, I was in a right state, and 90% blind.
It was a strange evening. People would come up to me and ask who I was. “Grandad” I’d reply, and they’d go scurrying off to the far side of the room and give me strange looks. They were all computery people, so I felt a bit out of place. I didn’t like to mention that I use a Remington typewriter wired to the television.
I did meet some very nice people. It turned out they were punk rockers. I’m not sure what they were doing there. There was also another very nice chap who had wandered in off the street. He was about my age, and had been working with computers for the last forty years. The original geek? The problem was that he was about eight feet tall so conversation was difficult. I didn’t catch his name. It went over my head.
I left when they threw me out. I nearly got run over by a strange yoke in the road that turned out to be a Luas. A weird looking beast. Though it did bring back distant memories of the good old trams, and at least I can now say I have seen a Luas and lived to tell the tale.
On the way home, I got stuck behind a f*cker driving a Mercedes SUV. It was enormous. The back of it was covered in brake lights that I swear he robbed off the airport runway. He insisted on shining them into my face at their full 300 megawatts every time he stopped. He was very proud of that ‘car’. It was brand new, and not a scratch on it.
It has now.
*heh*
How long did it take you to get back out of there?
The last time I had to drive in that sh*thole it took me an hour to get from Finglas where I collected a friend to O’Connell street to collect another. Finally it took two and a half hours to get from there to the Mad Cow Roundabout.
Common sense would have been to make the one waiting at O’Connell st. to get the Luas to the Mad Cow roundabout but she was Japanese and wouldn’t have a clue. (My friends friend not mine). I left Downpatrick at 1:40 in the afternoon and finally arrived home at 9pm.
Actually, the roads weren’t too bad. It took about an hour from the Louglinstown Roundabout to get in, and about half an hour to get back out to there again. But then, on the way out, I decided to translate the speed signs as MPH rather than KPH. That tends to speed things up a bit.
Translating the signs from KPH to MPH will also help you out if you get caught speeding like yer man in Donegal.
But the signs don’t specify, and both units are legal?
Bring back the Guiness Draft horse and cart I say . The most they could do was fart ij your face or shit on your bonnet if Dublin Rovers lost in Shelbourne park
Did you need a Visa?
Grannymar – No. I used Mastercard. But I brought my passport, just in case…
You could have mentioned brake lights as another cause of accidents, Grandad. Not your own of course, only Other People’s. Either they blind you or the driver brakes just-like-that to avoid a stray cat and SMASH. As you probably said, the golden rule is NEVER to brake at any time, just keep belting on whatever.
“Computery people”, heh? I’ve been in the computer industry for more than 15 years and it’s the first time I heard that expression. It’s brilliant.
Nick – Don’t get me started again. It’s too soon after last night.
EmptyHead – Sh*t! I wasn’t talking to you last night, was I?
Hey old man 🙂
what a wonderful thing the net visionary awards are !! when I heard we were nominated I was chuffed when I heard we were in the last 3 i was very chuffed 🙂 🙂 but then I was told I will have to go to some fancy pub to be with lots of chuffed people I thought …. Oh Shit!!!
Imagine being in a room full of chuffness what will that be like? ok so I went along mentally imaging a room full of people with big chuffing grinns on them and all talking the sort of shit I have no idea of The Internet… right!
I arrived early hmmm fancy place this a few people laughing at the bar and a chinese couple sitting chatting. I thought where are all the chuffed people ? ok im early but if your really chuffed you will be as early as me wouldnt ya. So I made my way to the toilet ..oh yea ! i was needing a pee must empty the bladder for the brain to work properly very important 🙂 Nice toilet actually but no chuffed people down there where the hell are they.
Went back up to the bar and ordered a 7up …why is it that when you order a fekin 7up the always say sorry we only have Sprite and visa versa I bet its a Bar thing fekers!! anyway i sat down and waited for the chuffers to arrive LATE!!
*just want to say at this point what a great playlist you have*
Ok so its 6 40pm I asked the waitress where the awards thingy is and she pointed to a corner of the room.Ooooops!! its upstairs no wonder there was no chuffed people here haha. Up i goes and into a room and there in front of me were a bunch of not so chuffed looking people. Ok relax Alan its ok you can mix it with anyone this will be ok.
I scanned the room and a woman came up and asked who i was.. I said Alan Stapleton Whatcar.ie she knew me what a great thing when you meet someone for the first time and they already know about you haha funny that.She explained all to me and I that I will have an informal interview and be videoed. Nerves started to rare their head but fek it ill get through it.
Anyway this is really where my story starts 🙂 I heard the guy who was arranging things say to this man that he will be the first to be done. I saw this bearded man looking not at all like the others in his casual look. To the bar again..another drink and I thought ill have the barman this time so I asked for a Sprite hahaha great stuff.
Then I was just standing around I noticed this bearded guy standing alone and holding a pint so I decided to say hello. Hello I said im Alan I have the Whatcar.ie site and ha ha he said yes ive seen it what about that then i was getting that chuffed feeling again 🙂 I said what site have you and and it turned out he had a blogg site. He siad he really didnt know why he was there that he had only started the site a year. I said I felt the same as I too was just a wee nipper in to this game.
Anyway turns out that this was the most interesting and brilliantly funny guy I have met in ages.His dont really give a shit attitude and his naturally funny humor made me think well if the Net Visionary Awards did nothing but gave me the chance to meet Grandad it was worth it.
I wish you all the best and hope you win in both the Net and the Golden eight legged thing.Keep thinking young your only a few years older than me Grandad its been a pleasure to meet you.
Alan 🙂
Fek !! Never been called a Punk before Yehaaaaa !! better throw a TV out window now 🙂
I left a long winded mail for you cause i hadent a clue how to leave a message lol then as i was leaving i saw your post of your Visionary trip.
Ms pencil skirt as recently defined by the arch deacon of the dotcom era – williams – is a highly skilled animal indeed.
She is the multitasking person who drives an automatic suv; keeps both feet firmly on the ground – acellerator and brake simultaneously – puts on her face – talks on her mobile – smokes a cigarette , double parks outside the brats school blocking traffic in both directions- favourite expression of riposte to an admionishment- Get a life wanker !
You’ll meet her in the lap dancing club tonight.
Thank god Im gay
Yay! Hi Alan 🙂
So you found your way here? The blog that is upstairs by the toilet?
I found your comment on the Music page [?] and moved it here, which is why you have apparently commented twice. No one reads the Music page….
Who was that brilliantly funny bearded guy? I missed him. Did you meet him after I left?
It was great meeting you and the others. I can wish you all the best of luck because we are in different categories 😉
Incidentally IF ANYONE DOUBTS THAT I’M AN OLD FART, contact Alan. He has met me.
The fact that you are “an old fart” has never been in any doubt 😉
That’s why us young un’s are here.
Robert – There are still those out there that think I’m a sixteen year old having you all on. The fact that they are right is irrelevant.
And talking of farts, the smell downstairs in the main lounge last night was DISGUSTING! It was the worst smelling pub I’ve been in in years. Bring back the smoking!!!!!!
What are you doing up so late?
Some of us know the truth. We’ve seen you on the T.V.
Or have we?
Lucky you! Your typewriter is electric!
You know how us teenagers stay up half the night and then stay in bed ’til four in the afternoon!!
That was my great-grandfather on TV.
Yeah right!
Go to bed now! There are hundreds of us (If not thousands) waiting for another quality post in the morning to ease us into the day 🙂 So throw your strop and we will talk about this later in the morning!
The best thing I found was to carry a big torch you know the ones in Woodies or dem places like a fekin search light and when they have their fog lights left on or as in Grandads case New cars have LED’s now… shine the torch at their rear view mirrow and see them swerve hahaha 🙂 they think its Close Encounters ..Does anyone remember that movie ? bet you do Grandad 🙂
Heading off to Birmingham tonight for the Classic Car show Friday and Sat 🙂 I love the classics 🙂 bit of a classic myself i suppose 😉
See you Grandad
Nanu Nanu