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The Black Knight and the Monster

Head Rambles Posted on by

And it came to pass that the Monster came out of his dark and reeking cave and came down to the village and started throwing tins of spam at the villagers.

The villagers cried “Stop. For this is Spam, and we do not want it”.

But the Monster had stolen their addresses and carried on throwing the tins of spam.

And the villagers brought forth the Black Knight, who was also known as Michele who faced up to the Monster. The Black Knight did write large the evil deeds of the Monster who was also called himself John Burns. The monster was not pleased.

A pipsqueak who called himself Pedro Luciani came forth from the Monsters cave and said that the Black Knight knew not what he was talking about and that the Monster was a nice Monster.

The Black Knight told Pedro Luciani to shut up as he was a friend of the Monster, but Pedro Luciani said he knew not the Monster and that the Black Knight was of the lower classes.

The Black Knight laughed for he knew that Pedro Luciani was from the Monsters cave, so he spanked him on the bottom and sent him crying home to his mammy.

The other Knights, Damien Mulley and Tom Raftery also came to defend the villagers and told the Monster to go away.

But the Monster threw a fit and said that he was not called John Burns.

“What shall we call you then?” cried the Knights.

“Call me by another persons name, but don’t call me John Burns” said John Burns.

The villagers and the Knights all laughed, but this did anger the Monster, and he threatened to bring forth his army of legal people.

“Bring them on!” cried the Black Knight, “for I too have an army of legal people and you have done wrong by stealing the villagers names and throwing spam at them”.

And the Monster skulked back to his cave, for the people were laughing at him.

The people rejoiced and sang songs and told Digg about the Monster.

And that is enough for now children…..

Time for bed.

kick it on kick.ie

-oOo-

 

The rest of the story

 

Comments

The Black Knight and the Monster — 41 Comments

  1. Tears are running down my face and I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard – absolutely fucking brilliant!

  7. All this story needs is a fair maiden, unfortunately the hosting industry only has three female employees, and and they all used to be men.
    Can’t wait for the sequel to come out.
    G

  11. F*ck it! If I’d known the story would be this popular, I would have put a Kick button on it!

    I have just had a record number of hits on the site!! Thank you all…

    [and my Alexa ranking has just shot up too 🙂 ]

    Carly – You were female when I spoke to you yesterday. I can’t speak for today.

  13. Behold! The Black Knight has spoken again. But once more he is confused about his sexuality.

    I am honoured to be visited, Michele/Michelle.
    P.S. My blog marked you as Spam………!

    Wow! Thanks Elly 🙂

  14. So Carly *thinks* she has always been female, and she allegedly sounds female, but then so does our Polish sys admin… come to think of it, he is a bit heavy handed with his smilies….

    In fairness the Black Knight himself employs many females, although in his case it’s the only way he gets to meet any.

  15. Grandad, I had a similar rush of hits to the head when I posted that song (and its cousin, the Monster Mash poem). It is, in fact, more popular than any of the serious and thoughtful legal posts. Which says something.

    I enjoyed your story, though, more than I enjoyed writing mine. Nice one 🙂

  17. Weary from their labours, Spammers and Knights kissed, made up and set to, with a vengeance, to make bread together for the feast in the Virtual Ale Hall.

    What a saga…

  19. Grandad,

    There is no blood and gore – couldn’t we have just a little bit of blood and gore? Otherwise we might think it’s true and not a fable.

  20. Oh God Grandad you never cease to amaze me! Without a doubt, the best blog post of the year!

  22. Yeah. That was good. In a good knight, sleep tight, sort of way. Me likes very many.

  23. I like to reply to comments individually, but obviously I can’t today.

    I have continued the story to its conclusion, in the interests of the unexpurgated truth.

    In the meantime, I would like to thank the following –

    The Black Knight, who made all this possible.
    Monster.ie, for providing the material.
    My Mammy and Daddy, for having me.
    My Producer, Director, and of course all the people behind the scenes.
    Sandy [my dog], for sticking by me and for doing the proof reading.
    Anyone who knows me.
    And of course Niall, for Digging me in the first place.

  25. Still giggling and it doesn’t really impress anyone in the room next door cuz I am supposed to be working on my translation and not reading blogs…
    It’s brill story telling grandad thank yee kindlee. 🙂

    Michele is female / male name? *confused*

  28. And in order to clarify something that some people might have missed –

    Michele runs an Internet Hosting company called……….

    Yes.

    You’ve guessed it……

    Blacknight Solutions.

    🙂

  29. You made my day.
    This is so funny I can stop laughing.
    Did it take you long to come up with this staff?

  30. I don’t have any staff, Louis. I write it all myself.

    I didn’t time myself, but I generally work out a rough idea in my head and then just type. I suppose about twenty minutes, including graphics?

    Glad you enjoyed it anyway! 🙂

  31. Hmmmm for as long as I’ve known Carly I’ve never known her to have a ding-dong…and I’ve never had one either….and it must be said Blacknight’s female staff *are* hotter than the norm….

    As for trying to turn Michele female, now that’s a whole other matter….

  32. How do you know whether Carly has a ding-dong or not?

    If you are all as hot as you say you are, I had better call over again. The last time I was in Blacknight, there was no totty at all.

    As for transforming Michele into Michelle, it couldn’t be simpler – a good dose of oestrogen in his coffee, followed by an attack with a carving knife. And Bob’s your auntie, so to speak. She’ll have to get a wig though.

  33. Is you sayin’ I is mingin’? Humph! So are you mean the female staff of Blacknight who were present for your last visit are not hot? Zuh? I’ll set donegan on you with his cattle prod should you darken this door again!

    *tries to imagine Michele in a wig*…not happening there I’m afraid…too much stubble…

  35. 50% of Blacknight is hot.

    Of the balance, Michele counts for around 34% and the rest are bog trotting undecideds.

    This is turning into a Coronation St script, the thoughts of Michele as a chick is frightening, I may never smile again.

  36. Carla – Did I meet you? It’s a while since I was there, and the memory………………..

    Michele – Top half or bottom half?

    Geoff – So you think Michele is hot?? Is that with, or without the wig?

  37. Grandad – My previous post clearly classifies Michele in the “not so hot” half of the office, the addition of a wig simply makes him look ridiculous when attached to his chest. You will be hearing from my solicitors.
    I am considering a class action with yer man, who isn’t really yer man, but someone else, only he isn’t.

  38. If you don’t belt up, I’ll set the Great White Wizard, Donncha on you. Yes. He who conjured WordPress out of the cauldron of the Pit of PHP!

    And anyway, you protest too much. I know you have a life-size photo of Michele on your bedroom ceiling.

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