How to get rid of a wasps nest
For some strange reason a lot of people visit my site because they are trying to get rid of wasps.
I’m not really an expert on this subject.
The only wasps nest I ever got rid of was in the neighbours eaves. That was simple. Though I did overdo the petrol a bit, and they are still rebuilding the house. The wasps are gone though.
Last year, I had a great holiday in France. We stayed in a wee gîte in the middle of nowhere in the Lot region. It was beautiful there. The scenery was fantastic, and the weather was almost too hot. There was a patio out the back, where we used to sit until well after dark.
The only problem we had there was wasps. They were f*cking HUGE. I’m talking about the 747s of the wasp world here. There was a fig tree by the patio and they loved that, so there were always plenty around.
I got myself a fly swatter or two, and I practised my John McEnroe serve. I became damn good at it. I’d wait until one was flying over me and then do my serve. If I missed, then they ignored me, but if I hit then there would be a lovely crisp smack and another wasp would head to Hornet Heaven.
My ace was to hit one good and square. He’d go sailing across the lane into the long grass the other side, whereupon there would be an explosion of startled crickets. Quite a spectacular site!
By the end of the holiday, I was ready to sign up for Wimbledon.
I only ever found one ordinary wasp there. I killed him of course. I took a photograph, just to prove it wasn’t all in my mind.
I prefer using Biological WMDs. I have a big ‘ol can of wasp and hornet killer. I spray it liberaly around my porch and watch them struggle to flee over the border in to Waspirastan. I called my bud George and asked him if I could borrow one of his B1 bomber airplanes to drop a series of cluster bombs on the neighborhood filled with chemical anti-wasp munitions. He hasn’t returned my call yet.
I tried that spray. Didn’t work. The buggers just came back again when the coast had cleared.
I can write to George on your behalf? There again, he probably can’t read….
“Man, you can not be serious”
That wasp is gi-normous!
How’s your backhand swing?
The backhand is great too. The one technique I developed that puts me above McEnroe is the ability to get two in one swing!! I did that a few times.
They were quite scary at times, when they formed a squadron and flew around in formation.
Good grief! He is a big bugger alright. I would run a mile if I saw him. Doesn’t help that I’m allergic to wasp stings.
Did you swat anything on the way to St Vincent’s?
Robert – If you had a phobia it was not the place to be. You’d have been all right with an allergy, as they seemed fairly benign. There were loads of them. I used to go out in the mornings and sweep the bodies up!
Ian – The trip was postponed until later in the week. I still have that pleasure to look forward to.
I wonder if they could be recycled into some sort of wonder bio fuel if there at that many of them about? I’m sure it might be worth our government wasting a few million euro to find out.
Great story. The John McEnroe serve intriqued me…maybe upgrade to an Andy Roddick serve though for this century, LOL! Don’t worry though..I enjoyed McEnroe too!!
your John McEnroe serve could be greatly enhanced with an elctronic swatter…this neat little gizmo has a battery and puts an electronic charge through the swatter..so when you hit one of the buggers you get multi coloured sparks…great fun especially at night….
The next time you go back, the wasps will be as big as footballs and they’ll probably grab your car and go joy-riding.
Did you not get stung even once during all the wasp swatting???
I’m totally suing your ass for stealing my serve.
Robert – I have never seen the likes of them in this country. It might be strange importing dead hornets from France for recycling?
John – Sorry. I’m not that well up on tennis players. Bjorn Borg?
Robert B – An interesting concept. Though the crisp smack of the swatter was enough for me [not to mention the crickets exploding out of the grass].
Nick – Next time, I’m bringing a full tennis racquet. 😉
Gaye – Not once. It was strange as I was obviously a threat. I think they were just stupid.
John McE – WHAT! ARE YOU STUPID? CAN’T YOU SEE THAT WAS MY OWN SERVE?
I am impressed. Each encounter I had with bees and wasps saw me stung in places that noone would believe. Fair enough the first time I was poking a wasp nest (can we call it nest?) with a stick but I was only 7. Many stings later…
Perhaps your fly swatter is in fact a magic wasp wand in disguise. “Confundo!” or “Imperio!”. Oh I know it’s “Stupefy!”
You cannot be serious!!
Though I had great hair back in the day …
Gaye – I think they were just incredibly stupid. It got to the stage were I was annoying Herself as she was trying to read..
“Would you ever sit down and stop playing with those wasps!”
Needless to say, I didn’t. It was too much fun [and good exercise].
John McE – Receding a bit at the temples, huh? That’s old age!
the well known “Superwasp”. I seen a load of those things in Italy and France but there’s a few of them in Ireland as well. they are not as annoying as ordinary wasps though
Hello, I am new to your site, my husband and I were reading it last night and laughed so hard we cried, the 10 litre petrol to put out the SUV fire…I knew it would put him in a great state of mind, for the new car I ahve my eye on… Just wanted to say HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY and thanks for the laughs, I cannot wait to tell my father-in-law in South Africa to read your blog, I hope it inspires him coz sometimes I catch a glimpse of him in your stories!
Hi Natalie and welcome! 🙂
All SUVs should have 10 litres of petrol poured over them. It would save a lot of trouble in the long run.
Thanks for the birthday wishes, though in fact the birthday hasn’t happened yet! I predated a couple of posts, so that when I launched it, it wouldn’t have that bare “Hi! This is my first post” look about it. The festivities and celebrations will be in a couple of weeks time.
And welcome to Ireland and also the weird world of blogging. I read through your posts and saw more of Ireland than I’ve ever seen!! I’ve never seen the Luas [let alone been on it]. The last time I was in the Guinness Brewery was back in the 60s. I’ve never seen the Blarney Stone. I’ve never seen the Viking Duck. I stick to the mountains!! It’s more peaceful there.