One man and his dog
I had to go into town the other day.
Not the near town – the other one.
It’s a long drive, but Herself had ordered something over the phone and had packed me off to collect it. It really annoys me when she does that. But I suppose it’s better that bringing her shopping as the waiting around drives me mad. Anyway, I had Sandy for company.
We took the main road there, but they had changed the road around and I got lost. The b*st*rds keep doing that to me. I swear they do it on purpose. Why can’t they leave the damned roads alone?
We got there in the end, and I collected the stuff. I got back in the car to drive back and probably to get lost again.
But Sandy insisted she wanted to go the other way. The back roads. That takes hours. But Sandy pointed out that it was better than getting lost again, so she had a point.
I let her drive.
I dozed quietly in the passenger seat. Sandy is a good driver. Very careful. But she has a nasty habit of suddenly jumping into the back seat and curling up and going to sleep.
Luckily I was able to slide over and regain control before we went into the ditch.
Shortly after, we were pulled over by a motorcycle policeman.
He strode up and glared at me. Then he looked at Sandy. Then he looked at me again.
“Was that dog driving the car?” says he.
“Don’t be silly,” says I “dogs can’t drive cars.” I heard Sandy snigger on the back seat.
There wasn’t much he could say to that so he let me go.
Last I saw of him as I drove over a hill, he was breathalysing himself.
We got home eventually. Of course the back roads had about ten sets of temporary lights on them. And they all turned red just as I reached them.
That f*ck*ng council is out to get me. I know it.
Hope you bought the card!
Otherwise you will have to go back again to day.
Now, listen David/Treacey – Leekon. I facilitated your love life by reintroducing you to Beimatbet. Don’t come causing trouble here.
Of course I have a card. It’s hidden inside the Dyson.
Last I saw of him as I drove over a hill, he was breathalysing himself.
Classic! Love it!
I think he was a bit confused.
Does a Dog Licence cover driving?
You should apply for the real thing to keep things above board.
To the best of my knowledge, there is no law that states that a dog must have a licence before driving a car.
You should phone up and check.
Or better still call int to office, bring Sandy with you so they will know you are serious.
Ah go on, sure life is very boring in the licencing office. Brighten up their day.
If you think I am going to drive fifty miles, and then queue for two hours just to brighten up their day…!!
Anyway, they have a sign on the door – “No dogs allowed”
They allow teenagers and octogenarians to drive here. Maybe dogs would be an improvement! (I would think that paws would negate the possibility of using cell phones and text messaging while driving, but maybe that depends on the ingenuity of the canine.)
Grandad,
This guy saw an ad in the paper for a talking dog.
He went to the house and went around back and there was the dog.
“Say, are you the talking dog?”
“Yeah! that’s me.”
“What’s your story?”
“Well, when they found out I could talk they sent me to work for the CIA. They would have me lie around at big foreign meetings. I would listen to all they said and report back. But the travel was tough so I came back and got a job at the airport sniffing luggage.”I got married and had two pups.They grew up and I retired. Now this son of a gun is going to sell me.”
The fellow said,”well, I’ll go talk to your owner. Maybe we can work something out.”
He sees the owner and asks, “How much do you want for the dog?”
The fellow says” $35.00″
“What, that’s all ? Why are you selling him so cheap?
“Because he’s such a liar. He never did any of those things!”
Diane – Our Sandy won’t use a mobile [cell] phone. She says she values her privacy. She is an exceptionally good driver, apart from abandoning her post on a whim.
She also tends to be distracted by cats.
Nancy – Like it 😉 Our Sandy always tells the truth though.
I don’t let Wouldye drive anymore because he insists on listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber. Also the fact that he’s colour-blind can prove quite challenging.
Stone-chips thrown up by the tyres have been pretty distracting too, though he’s very good at hand brake turns considering he doesn’t have opposable thumbs.
He has a pro-flee-sional license. Arf arf.