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An explanation — 32 Comments

  1. Does the scoring system vary for the nationality of each tourist that has been culled?

    I think someone down here has been over zealous as there has hardly been any tourists around this year.

  2. As I say, Robert, there is a very complex scoring system. It is based on a combination of nationality and age. To give you an idea, probably the highest score you can get is to cull a North Korean, of around 50 years of age who is hunting for a retirement property. Needless to say, they are extremely rare.
    The lowest points are for elderly Americans who are just here to research their ancestry. Common as muck.

  3. Great satire! I was an American tourist in Ireland this spring, and as far as I know, no one planned to shoot me–but then, I have no intention of settling there, even though I loved your country.

    My impression in Ireland and all over the world has been that while some American tourists may be “Ugly Americans” who misbehave, most countries really welcome our financial contributions. Our “greenbacks” and credit cards make up for a lot of our shortcomings.

    By the way, I’m a great fan of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.”

    Seniorwriter

  4. Long runs the fox…

    The men in the white coats are on the wander..

    Would a strait jacket suit you?

  5. Hi Marlys. I’m glad you made it out of here in one piece. Actually, all visitors are more than welcome here, and I hope you enjoyed your stay!

    I hadn’t read “A Modest Proposal” before, but have now [the joys of the Internet!]. That Swift fella is ripping off my ideas!!!

  6. Grannymar – you are determined to have me locked up in one way or another. What have I ever done to you? Yesterday, you tried to convince my daughter that I’m to be locked up for life. Now you are condemning me to an institution.

    I’m beginning to take this personally.

  7. grandad in the interest of determining my worth on the point scoring system.

    What is a giant Canadian of 38 years worth? And is there bonus points for trophy size?

  8. As I said, Sean, it is complex. Your age is good, And being Canadian scores a lot higher than an American [be sure to carry identification, as the two are often confused].

    Size does matter, as we get a kick back from the airlines. They re-sell your return ticket, so if you had to book a double seat on the way over…….

  9. Do you bow hunt,can you use bait to draw them in,and how about traps.Also do you dress like a tourist,as camouflage.

  10. Bow hunting is popular. I like to use the crossbow myself sometimes, as it is silent [apart from the odd scream].

    Traps and landmines used to be popular, but are banned now, as a few innocent locals were caught.

    Bait would make it much too easy.

    And we do use camouflage sometimes, but to dress as a tourist could be fatal.

  11. Well I will admit to carrying more than a few extra pounds I was thinking more along the lines of more points for height or the fact that I have a truly magnificently large skull.

    It would make a nice display on your trophy wall and you might even be able to pass it off as belonging to a neanderthal you discovered in the bog

  12. Sorry, Sean. You don’t get extra points for being ugly.

    Herself made me take the trophies down anyway. They were beginning to smell a bit.

  13. Just curious, how do you distinguish between a local and a tourist?

  14. Paul – We have our methods,but obviously I can’t divulge them. It would spoil our fun.

    Sean – Don’t let that put you off coming….

  15. ive already been and I am not really your touristy type of tourist. I dun wander around with a guide book and a camera slung round my kneck going OOOOOh AHHHHHH.

    I am the kind of tourist who likes to sit with a coffee or a pint and quietly read a book while minding my own business. Kind of lets me blend in…… well except for the giant thing and the ugly thing. Lets me get noriced while allowing me to avoid most tourist hunters

  16. Sean. You may get away with that. We tend to err on the side of caution, for obvious reasons. But it only takes one slip – not letting your Guinness settle enough, or blowing the head off before drinking the black stuff….

    In the meantime, if I see a really ugly big fella having a coffee and reading a book in my village, I’ll buy him a pint.

  17. Careful, Micki. You are making the old mistake. Grannymar is no relation. She just fancies me like hell. She’s a cyberstalker. I am shackled to Granny [Herself] who, thankfully is a different person altogether. I think.

    Why do you want me to go to prison anyway?

  18. Do you have undercover agents who tip you off when a particularly desirable specimen is about to invade your shores?

    Will I be a marked woman if it becomes known that my husband is a bodhran player in the US?

  19. Diane – you really should not have mentioned the bodhran. That was a big mistake.

    Normally we take pot luck with our pot shots. The finding and the stalking is half the fun.

    In your case, however, I’m afraid we will be keeping an eye out. As I said – you shouldn’t have mentioned the bodhran.

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  22. ouch. thought Ireland was a lovely country . Didn’t realize the locals felt so about the tourists. Sorry we are so horrible. Won’t bother coming back. (insert tears running down once proud irish-american face here)

  23. Angela – I am extremely sorry about this. Please believe me when I say there is nothing personal about it. I’m afraid the blame for the latest is squarely at the feet of your beloved president. He is the one who started the War on Tourism back in 2001.

  24. Hhheelllll oooo !!!! Grandad!!!

    Good fun, war on tourism blog.

    my t shirt ‘ Canadian Girls kick Ass’ at Brittas Bay Beach Wicklow County, musta been a dead giveaway that I was a tourist. my russian and german friends and myself are safely back in the UK. Had a very nice time at Don Loaghaire.

  25. Hi Canada,

    I’ll have a word with my daughter K8 the GR8 about this. Brittas Bay is her area at the moment. She is obviously slacking…..

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