An open letter to Twenty Major
From time to time, I sniff around other people’s sites.
You never know if you are going to find the odd €10 note someone has accidentally dropped behind a comment or something.
I happened to poke around Twenty’s site the other day, and I saw something that shocked and infuriated me.
So here is my open letter to him.
Dear Twenty,
Up to now, you have been a reasonable bloke. We have mutually exchanged links, and sometimes the odd comment. Fair enough.
But you have put something on your site that frankly disgusts me.
You have listed Head Rambles under “Non smoking blogs”.
I am well known to be a pipe smoker, and have written extensively about the iniquity of the smoking ban. I have extolled the virtues of tobacco. They even made me light the pipe on the telly thing, because I was so well known for it. It is one of my trademarks, along with my beard and my insanity.
Mine is a Smoking Blog.
This is a slur on my character. You are causing me mental stress and anxiety. You are sullying my character. You are bringing my name into disrepute. This is libellous. This is the stuff of High Court Actions.
If you do not provide me with a Smoking Blog category forthwith, and lodge €500,000 to my Cayman Islands account, I shall be forced to send around my pussy cat to deal with you.
And you can forget about protection from Throatripper and Bastardface. My Tiddles is a mean f*cker.
I expect to hear from you by return.
You c*nt.
Grandad
Ho Kay. So Twenty has responded with his own post.
He accuses me of being gay, for smoking a pipe. That’s it. I’ve had enough. Tiddles is on the loose, and heading in Twenty’s direction.
And I notice from his little flag that he is in fact American. Hah! That explains a lot….
“And I notice from his little flag that he is in fact American. Hah! That explains a lot….”
Hey! I represent that remark.
His tagline is “still smoking in Dublin bars”.
So either a) he’s a liar or b) he’s in Dublin, Ohio.
Suspect the American flag is because that response is from my server, which is in the US.
And if you think a lion is any match for Bastardface and Throatripper then you’re going to be a very disappointed man.
Jayzus! He’s back in Ireland. That was quick.
BTW, twenty, I used that photo because it was one I had handy. It’s Tiddles’ two day old kitten. Wait ’til you see Tiddles…..
Good man, having an American server. That way, it’ll be open on Good Friday. Maybe even Easter.
My, my … the demi-god does indeed descend from the Pantheon of the Immortal to grace the pages of mere mortal bloggers …
You should now be prostrate, Grandad.
Dario. I am prepared to descend to talk to anyone. Even Twenty. But thank you for calling me a demi-god anyway..
I had the prostrate checked last week. It’s fine and healthy.
One last thing – I’ve just been talking to Offspring {AKA K8} and she says that accusing someone of being gay is a sure sign of their own insecurities.
While none of the people who have ever called me gay turned out that way, I await the news someday that they are so I can glare condescendingly in their direction but maintain a dignified silence while I hold a beautiful woman’s hand.
But enough about my recent LSD trip. Did you check the prostate while prostrate? That would be a feat worthy of any contortionist.
“Did you check the prostate while prostrate?
I did in my arse.
Oh well at least you made it to the blogroll, non-smoking or otherwise. Happy
Easter.
It’s a matter of principle Flirty.
And a Happy
Easter to you too.
Bet the first thing Jesus did when he rose from the dead was smoke shitloads of fags, one after the other.
I know I would.
Yes. Sex and rising from the dead. Both deserve a good smoke after.
I wonder if there is an exemption under the law for this? If you decide to rise from the dead indoors?
grandad,
Your cat might get more than it bargained for!
Looks like twenty’s ready for some kung-poo.
Lord save the shitty-kitty…
It’s bloody good to see a bit of agro amongst you Irish.
I’d begun to think you had all become pacifists.
If you could just beat the Poms in the cricket world cup that would be something to write home about.
@Paul – I’m not afraid of Twenty or his two pathetic little pets. He may be big in the city, but we breed ’em BIG in the country.
Judge not a pet by its name but by the size of its teeth.
@Turner – It’s nice to see a pacifist joining the ranks. We are as good at the murder and mayhem as we ever were before.
I don’t know anything about cricket, but would it be the same as bashing a few Brits with a baseball bat?