Letter to America — 15 Comments

  1. Good on you Grandad, You tell em!

    But who said you could publish my ‘lovely’ legs? 😉

  2. Oh, the spelling thing is spreading. Irish chemists are now being persuaded to spell ‘sulphur’ ‘sulfur'(!) Thankfully, ‘aluminium’ has not yet become ‘aluminum’.

  3. Grannymar – I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t know. would you like me to air-brush out the cellulite?

    Cormac – Nice idea. It would give me an excuse to go to the pub to photograph a pint in its various stages. Of course, I’m a perfectionist, so it would mean many takes.

    Rob – You’re not serious. You can’t be. Maybe this is a requirement only in pharmacies and not chemists?

  4. “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t know. would you like me to air-brush out the cellulite?”

    Grandad could you do that from a distance?

    The real thing might be to much for you!

  5. “The real thing might be to much for you!”
    At my age I have seen everything 🙂
    I can use sand-blasting, Pollyfilla or Photoshop?

  6. Oh Good God! They’re sneaking it by the back door. And yes, it should be a hanging offence.
    BTW, is this your normal bedtime reading?

  7. No, no, I heard about it from a chemistry postgrad recently, and didn’t really believe it. So went and looked.

  8. First off, it’s totally unforgiveavle to publish a photo such as the one on this post. I’m dying here.

    Secondly, feel free to hate your choice of things American, after all, we do it too.

    Thirdly, as a current resident of the Coke Capital of the World, I must admonish you to DIE SOCIALIST SCUM! or some words of lesser tenacity. Now, if only Coca Cola Corp will start making beer…

    Thing the Fourth, once again, it’s unforgiveable to like John Grisham. As a devoted reader, I must place him firmly in “hack” category. Stephen King is good, though! My brother in law has had the distinction of almost being run over by Mr. King (this was about a year after Stephen King’s own wayward collision with a car).

    Other: Despite being an American, I like aluminium better. David Beckham? Who’s that? We play professional soccer (sorry, football) here? You absolutely must see the Grand Canyon, but I’m afraid that if you knock on Elmo, they won’t let you in the country.

    [sigh] We’re so misunderstood. After all, didn’t America save the world in 1066 or something like that?

  9. This will take a bit of replying, but I’ll try..
    The photo is by kind permission [she says] of Grannymar. Don’t insult her.
    If Coke made beer,it wouldn’t make any difference. It would still taste like gnat’s piss and rot your teeth. Anyway, everyone should drink Guinness.
    I like John Grisham. He constantly reminds me of the lovely system you have there [buying off juries, class actions, weird stuff like that]
    I don’t believe you about aluminium. Next thing you’ll be saying you walk on a pavement and not a sidewalk.
    David Beckham is someone you are probably going to be sick of hearing about. But he’s not as bad as his wife. [runs out and gets sick]..
    I’d love to see the Grand Canyon. I’m trying to persuade my daughter to treat me for my birthday.
    You might have saved the world in 1066 – I wasn’t around then. There again, America wasn’t invented in 1066. Ah! the good old days..

  10. Pavement is entirely underneath the wheels of our vehicles. No feet allowed. Mostly I like saying “al-you-minium” because people look at me weirdly. I’m not a chemist or a metallurgist, so It’s not like I say it every day.

    And of course America was invented in 1066. The Norman invasion of England was all part of “God’s Plan” to bring about America. If you don’t believe me, you can ask my prezident.

  11. No. You have it wrong. Pavement is something you drive on only if you are drunk or joyriding [driving stolen cars]. Unless of course you are permanently drunk or a car thief?
    Here, we walk on the pavement [also known as a footpath], and drive on the road.
    You get a lot of bonus points for alumimium though. Keep it up.

  12. I love America… well at least western NCarolina. Down here we don’t talk all fancy like you europeans we says stuff like youngins and yall and yup. im considered smart there cuz the standard is dum. we all hate george w. we have a sayin round here “The W stands for honesty.” i hate mcdonalds it s horrible. we are very patriotic in wnc and most of us have irish heritage and are either babptist or methodist. if your not have fun in hell.

  13. Koarules – Jayzus but you’re going back in time a wee bit?  It’s two and a half years since I wrote this.  I know damn well what you lot in NC are like – I had one of ’em visit here.  Have a nice day, Y’all.

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