Orde: 'No use of plastic bullets in future'
The PSNI Chief Constable has said he does not intend to use plastic bullets in crowd control in the future.
Plastic bullets were first used in the early days of The Troubles in the North. They replaced the more traditional lead bullets.
At the time the army was reluctant to give up the lead bullets and was quoted as saying
“Tradition is very important to the British. Lead has been used in bullets since the invention of the gun. However, we appreciate that lead has a proven detrimental effect on health so we are switching to plastic.”
The move announced today that plastic bullets are being abandoned comes as a result of the latest initiatives on Global Warming.
“People do not realise that each plastic bullet has a very large eco-footprint, because of the large quantities of CO2 emitted during manufacture.” said Sir Hugh.
“We did consider planting a tree for each bullet fired, but this was abandoned when we realised we would soon run out of land.”
“It has been decided in Westminster that, as a result of the latest EU concerns on global warming that we will only use renewable resources.” he continued.
“From now on, we will be using bullets made from Irish grown timber. This is a renewble resource and will have the added benefit of providing extra jobs in the forestry industry”
“In the past we have caused needless injury and pain to innocent people with our shooting, so in line with current policies, and in recognition of the Peace Process we have instructed that only the PSNI are to be targeted by these weapons. This will ensure that we are seen as fair and unbiased.”
“Furthermore we will ask that all people who are targeted by these new bullets should collect them and recycle them. Recycling points will be set up where the bullets can be mulched or converted to fuel pellets.”
“We are fully committed to tackling the problem of Global Warming, and hope to announce soon that all police vehicles will be converted to pedal power.”
This latest initiative has been widely greeted by rioting factions.
Sorry mate, but some things aren’t funny. Your stuff is usually excellent but this is well below par and really not amusing when one considers the number of children killed and maimed by these weapons.
Having supported the campaign for their removal for many years, I don’t think it’s yet appropriate to go looking for the giggles here.
Be thankful it wasn’t your kids with their eye put out, or losing a kidney, or dead.
My apologies, JC.
You are right.
In the course of posting this I was doing a bit of cut-and-paste and accidentally left out a paragraph.
I’m just getting old….
No, in fairness, it’s probably that thin skin/chip on both shoulders combo of mine.
It’s a quality post. I need to rein in the Nordie nonsense from time to time.
Keep up the good work, Granddad!