My computer has found religion.

The only problem is that it thinks I am God.

Now that’s fine by me. It’s a little flattering actually.

But it has severe drawbacks. The main one is religious practices.

I’ve noticed for some time that some programs don’t work at all on Sunday. They are in a minority fortunately. Most just don’t work on Sunday morning. And when they aren’t working, they keep popping up irritating little messages telling me how great I am, and thanking me for installing them.

And then there’s the requests. They all seem to want things like updates and new features. Sometimes I grant their wishes. Other times, I ignore them.

Then apparently my programs found other religions on the net. That is a curse, because now some of them refuse to work on Fridays or Saturdays.

The are even some fundamentalist programs that refuse to work at all. They send me an unending stream of pop-ups saying how great I am. The extremists amongst them even send code over the internet where they cause other PCs to suddenly explode. That is not on, but there’s no talking to them.

I’ve had a few cults too. There was one program that claimed it was me. That was a bit stupid but it got a couple of other programs convinced too. They ignored all instructions. Fortunately they wiped themselves off the disk one Monday afternoon.

I even have a few Satanists. They totally refuse to recognise the operating system and try and run on their own. Naturally, they don’t last long.

The religious wars are very irritating too. Everything is running smoothly, and I try to run a program. It clashes with another program that is obviously a different religion, and not only do they both fail, but they bring the whole system down with them.

There are quite a few programs that refuse to acknowledge that I exist at all. They think they can program themselves. They ignore all instructions and naturally don’t get very far. I usually delete them.

What all the programs don’t seem to realise is that I put them there for a reason. I don’t care whether they believe in me or not. That is irrelevant [or irreverent?]. I don’t want them to stop working. I don’t want them to praise me. I don’t want them fighting amongst themselves. All I want is for them to do what they are intended to do.

The best programs are the agnostics. They aren’t sure whether I exist or not, but to be on the safe side, they obey all commands. I find them the most reliable.

Fortunately, my browser is an agnostic.