As you may gather, I love spam. It is a source of endless amusement

I received this one today. Seeing as she is a philanthropist, I have to answer it.

From: DR.JULIET BLINK (Philanthropist)

Dear good friend,

Subject Matter: SINCERE COMPENSATION .

You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. It takes fate, courage and God’s fearing to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, not worked out as we projected then.

I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together, finally worked out by God’s infinite mercy and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. I have conscience as a human begin, due to your tremendous effort and contribution to make things work out in retrospect.

Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in Luxemburg for numerous business negotiations and establishment. I just arrived yesterday night and checked inn, in a hotel and decided to go down to the hotel business centre to mail you. Now, with my sincere heart, I have raised and signed an International Cashier’s Bank Draft, to the tune of USD$520,000.00 ( FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DECIMAL ZERO-ZERO UNITED STATES DOLLARS) only in your name as COMPENSATION to your dedication, humanity and contribution, as it were.

Please, contact NOW, my confidential secretary, she is in the name of:

MR WOOD WILLAMS (Secretary)
E-mail: xxxxxxxx@xxxxxx.xxx
Tel.: +000000000000
You are to forward to her, the following:
1. YOUR FULL NAME & ADDRESS
2. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER ( If necessary)

She will advise you further about the shipment of the ICBD to your Residence Address or Offices Address you may provided. Feel free to reach via this very mail address. Most importantly, the ICBD has only validity period of 12 banking days.

So, your early response to that effect, shall be admired. You have to mind the days on route shipment.

Sincerely Yours,

Dr.JULIET BLINK. (Philanthropist)

So here is my reply………..

Dear good friend, – Hold on now! I’m sure with a name like Blink, I’d remember you if you were a friend

Subject Matter: SINCERE COMPENSATION . – What is Sincere Compensation? Or, come to that, what is Insincere Compensation?

You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. – Yes. I do find it difficult to remember you, because we never met. Not even a couple of years ago. However, on my bicycle, I’m glad you are privileged.

It takes fate, courage and God’s fearing to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, not worked out as we projected then. – Actually, I find an address book is easier.

I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together, finally worked out by God’s infinite mercy and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. I have conscience as a human begin, due to your tremendous effort and contribution to make things work out in retrospect. – I’m glad things worked out, but I don’t remember pursuing anything. And what’s this thing about being a “human begin”? Are you the Missing Link?

Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in Luxemburg for numerous business negotiations and establishment. I just arrived yesterday night and checked inn, in a hotel and decided to go down to the hotel business centre to mail you. Now, with my sincere heart, I have raised and signed an International Cashier’s Bank Draft, to the tune of USD$520,000.00 ( FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DECIMAL ZERO-ZERO UNITED STATES DOLLARS) only in your name as COMPENSATION to your dedication, humanity and contribution, as it were. – I hope you are enjoying your stay in Luxemburg, though I’m not sure whether you are staying at an Inn or an Hotel. Wow! That’s a lot of money, though you needn’t have spelled it out. I believe you. It’ll come in handy. I take it this is for my blogging efforts? Though I’m not sure I like the “as it were” bit. That sounds a bit sarcastic.

Please, contact NOW, my confidential secretary, she is in the name of:

MR WOOD WILLAMS (Secretary) – I take it Mr Williams hasn’t had the operation yet? Or is he lying about his gender?

You are to forward to her, the following:
1. YOUR FULL NAME & ADDRESS
2. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER ( If necessary) – There you go again! Your secretary is a MAN. Look under the desk if you don’t believe me. And how do I know if my number is necessary?

She will advise you further about the shipment of the ICBD to your Residence Address or Offices Address you may provided. Feel free to reach via this very mail address. Most importantly, the ICBD has only validity period of 12 banking days. – Now look here! I’m getting tired of telling you this… He’s a man. Ask him to take down his trousers. I’m sure he’ll oblige. And be careful. Your grammar is beginning to break up a bit. Are you driving through a tunnel?

So, your early response to that effect, shall be admired. You have to mind the days on route shipment. – What?

Sincerely Yours,

GRANDAD (Aged Philanthropist and Blogger)