I get lots of e-mails. Hundreds of them. Often I think they are a little confused because they keep wanting my banking details for banks I’ve never heard of, but we all make mistakes.

I also get mails for very nice people who want to meet me. They usually start off with something like “Hi, I am a very good looking girl and would like to meet you”. That’s nice. But a lot of them come from people called George or John. I think someone should tell them what a good looking girl looks like. I wouldn’t say girls with beards and hairy chests would be very good looking.

I got one today. The title [as the risk of offending some people] is “MyPENIS HAS GROWN FROM 3 INCHES TO JUST OVER 6″, AND IS STILL GROWING!”. Fair play says I. But it is sent by “Fumiko Lady”. Now there is a girl with a problem. And apparently it’s growing! I don’t know why she is telling me about it though.

The really good news though is that I keep winning lotteries. I estimate that at the time of writing, I am worth somewhere in the region of €300 million. One of these days when I’m running a little short of cash, I’ll write back to these nice people and ask for my money.

If I’d known there were such lovely people around, I never would have bothered with a pension plan.