I wonder if people ever listen to what they themselves are saying?

There seems to be an impressive rise in phrases, and utterances that are now in daily use but are completely meaningless.

One that I notice is the use of the word "later", as in "I'll talk to you later" or "I'll catch up with you later".  Now I was brought up to believe that "later" was a vague term meaning "later in the day" or generally within a shortish period of time, but now it seems to refer to any time in the coming week or even month.  Would you go on a two week holiday and tell your neighbour you'll be back "later"?  As for "I'll catch up with you later": that means sweet fuck all.  Catch up with me?  Are they running behind me and intent on putting in a spurt of energy?  Of course there is that compete abomination "laters" which is typical of the mindless and lazy use of language these days.  Anyone who uses that word in my hearing gets very swift and painful retribution.

Another one that baffles me the the "to go" one.  I would like a coffee to go!  To go where?  To go on my head?  To go fishing?  When you think about it, it makes no sense at all.  "To take away" seems to make a lot more sense as it indicates my precise intention – to take it away from the shop.  I blame the Mercans specifically for this one.  They seem to be hell bent on destroying the language, which is fine if they would only stop exporting their horrible expressions across The Pond.

The advertising industry have a lot to answer for as well.  They have started coming up with phrases which frankly grate on the nerves with their meaningless stupidity – "travel yourself interesting" – or phrases of that ilk.  I defy any English teacher to parse the gibberish that's being pumped out these days.  One of their latest is an advertisement for some car or other [I can’t remember which brand – ergo a crap advertisement] which implores us to "unlearn".  Do they mean "forget"?  And if so why not just say so?

"Red is the new black"?  What the fuck does that mean?  Red is red and black is black and ne'er the twain shall meet.  As for "sugar is the new tobacco" – have you ever tried smoking sugar?  Don't! 

Of course one of the worst, which never fails to raise my blood pressure, is that horrendous "I'm lovin' it" which encapsulates modern language trends perfectly – lazy and meaningless in the name of a catchphrase.  When you stop to think, what precisely does it mean?  "I love it" works but "I am loving it" conjures up an image of a bloke wanking into his favourite sock and trying to express his actions to a bystander.

I'm hatin' it.


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I’m hatin’ it — 26 Comments

  1. oh just recalled the one that really makes my piss boil and causes me to scream at the kids, namely “He go to me” meaning ‘he spake thus unto me’ or more simply ‘he said’

    “No Son of the Dwarf Loins, he didn’t fucking GO anywhere, it was a conversation not a round of Monopoly”

    • Sweet fuck!!  Haven't heard that one before, and I bless the fates for sparing me.  It's worse that using "like" as a quotation mark.  "He said to me – like – how are you – like". 

  2. The 'Unlearn' advert is for Ford cars. Don't care much for the phrases or the ad but I'd be lovin to own one of those new Mustangs… like.



    • A sweet fuck is when you go down on a non-vegan ie ‘normal’ woman. Take it from me, vegan girls are bitter (no matter how much pineapple you drink you vitamin deficient bint) . I blame the allyl methyl sulfide .

      Yes I am man enough to admit I used to date vegans- I was one myself (oh the shame).

      • I have expressed opinions in the past about "food blogs" extolling various culinary pleasures.  However I think you may have opened up a whole new untapped area of exploration?  This could be the start of something big?

        • “This could be the start of something big?”

          Kind of you good sir, to say so and yes it is, thank you for asking. Or as a former girlfriend, a none vegan one, once put it ‘being with The Blocked Dwarf widens more than just your horizons’.

  3. Sky's "Believe in better" is so shit a slogan that I switched to BT out of sheer annoyance. Sky wouldn't reduce the bill when I told them I was switching but afterwards they offered to renew my old package at half price.

    I believe BT is indeed better, you fuckwits at Sky.

    • Believe in better what?  It is a completely nonsensical jumble of words with no actual meaning.  I believe in better use of grammar!

      • Strictly speaking [am I a strict speaker?] Believe in better is bad grammar; but the missing noun 'car' is understood. You get it?  or: geddit? as transmarine British friends frame it.

        • "Believe in a better car/satellite" doesn't really make much sense either?  "Believe we can make a better car/satellite" would be nearer the mark but even then I don't like people telling me what to believe. 

    • The very same.  Their slogan alone would be enough to put me off patronising their establishments.  As it is I don't like the stuff they produce [or their conveyor belt method of serving it] so it's just another reason I never darken their doors!

  4. I also despise any phrase that states "This is the new that" as much as I despised the (massively overused) phrase, "Jumped the shark" which actually has no meaning or reason to exist.

    It's akin to my days working for a corporation. It seemed that whenever an idea about or for a new project (or problem with an existing project) was brought to the the attention of the hierarchy the usual response was "We'll tiger team that issue". At that point I'd just shut down all senses and/or just walk away in order to keep myself from saying, "Now just what the f$#! does that mean anyway? How about just saying we need to have a meeting about this? What the hell do tigers have to do with anything?" And so on.

    And I've heard of the phrase "He goes to me" but not "He go to me" and that was usually just used by stand-up comedians.

      • At first, yes. But when it was used over and over again regarding not just TV shows whose popularity were declining so the producers decided to use gimmicks to keep the viewers interested (original definition), but politicians, actors, actresses, popular figures, companies, software developers, auto manufacturers and just about everyone/everything else, it just lost it's original meaning and just became annoying and (mostly) meaningless.

        I've noticed that the phrase isn't used that much anymore?

        • I have seen that phrase around all right but never knew what it meant.  I just looked it up.  Yup – typical nonsensical sound bite!

  5. Oooh, words and phrases that drive me mad.  So many to choose from.  My personal favourite (if that’s the right word, here) at the moment is “Can I get …” referring to something in a shop or a take-away (yes, TAKE-AWAY) burger etc.  I always wish that the person behind the counter would say: “No, you can’t – but I can get one for you if you like.”  Oh, and “Math” instead of “Maths” comes a close second.

    One of my ex-bosses used to play with silly business phrases in a way which always pleased me.  When purchasing anything, he’d always ask the supplier if their item was “LRF compliant,” and they’d always nod sagely and say: “Oh, of course, sir, absolutely,” without for one second knowing that it was an entirely made-up phrase of his own and stood for “Little Rubber Feet.”

    • For "Math" you can blame the Mercans again.  I studied mathematics, not mathematic [which gets a squiggly like for my spell checker] so I'll stick with Maths.

      I had a boss once who just loved office-speak.  He was forever "running the flag up the flagpole to see who salutes" or "taking the helicopter view".  I sorely regret not jotting his expressions down as they were really funny, not that he thought so.

  6. When I used to work in an office for my many sins I was routinely exposed to corporate buzz words which consisted of "thought shower" "blue sky thinking" and most hated "synergistic" and “synergy”

    The old marketing director used to hand out wank word bingo sheets before each corporate shindig.  He was a good bloke so they sacked him when he didn't play along 🙁

  7. 'Think outside the box' is one phrase that makes me feel like smashing the boss across the face with a cricket bat.. if he had any answers he wouldn't be needing mine so I don't think that he 'thinks outside the box' either. Long ago, when I was an engineering apprentice I was told by the foreman (team leader now) to 'use my initiative'. I replied 'Why? Isn't that what you get paid for?'

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