The experiment: to examine the existence of gravity.

Equipment: Balloon

My experiment –

Inflate balloon with air.

Release balloon.

Balloon falls to floor.

Conclusion –

Gravity exists.

Tobacco Control, Experiment 1 –

Rub balloon with wool to give static charge.

Toss towards ceiling.

Balloon sticks to ceiling and remains there.

Conclusion –

Gravity does not exist.

Tobacco Control, Experiment 2 –

Apply thin coat of glue to balloon.

Toss towards ceiling.

Balloon sticks to ceiling and remains there.

Conclusion –

Gravity does not exist.

Tobacco Control, Experiment 3 –

Fill balloon with Helium.

Release balloon.

Balloon sticks to ceiling and remains there.

Conclusion –

Gravity does not exist.

Tobacco Control Meta Study of experimentation into the existence of gravity –

First study rejected as the experimenter has vested interests in the airline industry having admitted to having flown before.

Of the three remaining studies all conclude that gravity does not exist.

Conclusion  –

Gravity does not exist.

Press release –

Latest research proves conclusively that gravity does not exist.

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Tobacco Control proves gravity does not exist — 21 Comments

  1. G.D. you seem to have encapsulated the entire mindset of Tobacco Control in a few precise statements .As usual entertaining and informative .

  2. You'd better get to the Gulag soon, before it's banned there too. Mind you, I'd love to see a Russian prison riot. I'm sure it would be bigger than elsewhere.

  3. Well I'm convinced. No more smoking for me lest 'Gravity', yet another pseudo-anarcho-capitalist construct your site promotes, makes me fall.

    Unlike your other readers, I'm no Jedi master so when I hit the deck it fucking hurts.

    Also Grandad, have you not considered that children may read here and so you really shouldn't be promoting gravity. I was reading, somewhere, about a recent child victim of this very same gravity you promote – it had a fall with a broken spine or a bruise or something.

    Taking money from 'big gravity' to promote their product is as low as I have ever seen this site fall. Please remove this article and give back the money.


    • If it hurts when you hit the deck then you have only yourself to blame for being a Denialist. 

      I was actually paid by the WHO, who have discovered that gravity is responsible for countless deaths and hospital admissions worldwide and are therefore seeking to have it abolished.

  4. That's quite an overwhelming body of evidence you've amassed there. No doubt Big Air and their shills will still attempt to confuse the public by referring to outdated and discredited scientists like Newton.

  5. Having just this past week had a good thorough read of Dolls' statistical stitch up (as interpreted by Frank Davis), your gravity experiment is surely the perfect response to be offered to the drones who also don't know that lung cancer has NEVER been induced in lab rats, but was induced in ALL lab mice exposed to  radiation similar to that radiation released by the 1500+ nuclear bomb tests.

  6. I trust that Grandad has been assiduously cultivating a scientific logical outlook in his grandchildren. Some day, one of them will have a prizewinning entry in the Young Scientist exhibition proving that the Earth is egg-shaped. The eggheads will have to agree.

  7. well, if gravity doesn't exist then I'm not too heavy and don't need to stay on that diet, ty smoking police can't wait to show my Dr so that last 20 pounds can stay…


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