Catch 22
Yet another night without sleep.
Add to that, a previous night with only a couple of hours.
It’s no wonder the brain is just a little bit scrambled.
On Tuesday in the hospital I mentioned my concerns regarding the lack of kip and they started querying me on the sleeping tablets I use. I had to point out to them that generally the tablets work and I do get to sleep [as per the couple of hours I just mentioned] and the trouble lay in not staying asleep.
I had been giving the topic some thought – I had to have something to think about in those long dark dreary hours after all? I came up with a theory. Waking for no apparent reason could be down to anxiety? But I’m not anxious. There again, I have reason to be anxious even though I’m not. So the theory gradually emerged – what if I am anxious but am not aware of it? It made a weird sort of sense. So I named my new-found discovery Subconscious Anxiety.
The only problem with my new discovery is that it can’t exist. If I am aware of it then it is no longer subconscious and just becomes plain vanilla anxiety which I don’t have. It is the ultimate Catch-22.
So I mentioned this possibility of Subconscious Anxiety to the doctor I happened to be with. Yes, says she, that is a distinct possibility. I was surprised at her lack of excitement at my discovery of a new mental state. She didn’t offer any kind of cure though which was a bit of a bummer. Maybe anxiety is compulsory with cancer and it mustn’t be thwarted?
Yesterday I did a little research. I checked the Interwebs to see if anyone else had come up with my theory. Apparently I had just invented something that is well known and well documented.
Damn!
Here was I hoping to get my name in the Irish Medical Journal.
“Here was I hoping to get my name in the Irish Medical Journal.”
What would it be called? Grandad’s Syndrome? Would you feel better knowing you had a syndrome? 🙂
I like that. “Grandad’s Syndrome”. Actually sounds like a legitimate medical affliction. Of course, it might also apply to those who are addicted to this site?
“Head Scramble Syndrome”? Also known as HSS. Everything has to have an TLA these days.
I’m on chemo too, Grandad, and for the few days after the dreaded cannula, I sleep very erratically – if at all!
There’s an easy let-out by having a couple of sherberts at lunchtime, then crashing out on a recliner afterwards, to catch up on the zzzzzs, and I do this every day!
I’m nowhere near the state you find yourself in, but this treatment does knock us about, so hang in there, and even chat direct if you want to – you know my email address!
Went to bed last night at ten as I was knackered. Got up again at one as I couldn’t actually sleep or even doze [Thank God for Tom Sharpe]. I have been sitting here ever since. I think I may have dozed off for an hour at around seven but that’s it,
Sorry to hear you are in the same boat, but somewhat perversely that gives me a little satisfaction in knowing I’m not alone.