Yet another night without sleep.

Add to that, a previous night with only a couple of hours.

It’s no wonder the brain is just a little bit scrambled.

On Tuesday in the hospital I mentioned my concerns regarding the lack of kip and they started querying me on the sleeping tablets I use. I had to point out to them that generally the tablets work and I do get to sleep [as per the couple of hours I just mentioned] and the trouble lay in not staying asleep.

I had been giving the topic some thought – I had to have something to think about in those long dark dreary hours after all? I came up with a theory. Waking for no apparent reason could be down to anxiety? But I’m not anxious. There again, I have reason to be anxious even though I’m not. So the theory gradually emerged – what if I am anxious but am not aware of it? It made a weird sort of sense. So I named my new-found discovery Subconscious Anxiety.

The only problem with my new discovery is that it can’t exist. If I am aware of it then it is no longer subconscious and just becomes plain vanilla anxiety which I don’t have. It is the ultimate Catch-22.

So I mentioned this possibility of Subconscious Anxiety to the doctor I happened to be with. Yes, says she, that is a distinct possibility. I was surprised at her lack of excitement at my discovery of a new mental state. She didn’t offer any kind of cure though which was a bit of a bummer. Maybe anxiety is compulsory with cancer and it mustn’t be thwarted?

Yesterday I did a little research. I checked the Interwebs to see if anyone else had come up with my theory. Apparently I had just invented something that is well known and well documented.

Damn!

Here was I hoping to get my name in the Irish Medical Journal.