The war continues here at The Manor.

I should explain that there are several chairs here and these form the basis of the disputed territories. For the sake of clarity I’ll call the main ones “Red Couch”, “Red Chair” and “White Chair”. Red Chair and Couch firmly belong to Penny while White Chair is mine. She gets very upset if anyone sits in her chairs and if a visitor has the audacity to sit on her couch she will try to worm her way behind them and gently shove the visitor off onto the floor. In the event of Herself wanting to sit out, she would take over Red Chair and Penny would rather grudgingly let her stay and spend her time glowering.

For various reasons we decided Herself was better off using White Chair. This was no problem as I could permanently move to Red Chair which is very comfortable and grand for taking a nap. So Red Chair is now mine. Penny doesn’t see things that way and wants to restore her old Union of Soviet Red Chair and Couch Republics. So she has taken to invading my Red Chair whenever I stand up.

I hasten to add that the war here lacks some of the aggression which is apparent in that other war. There is no violence involved. No teeth or nails or anything like that. It’s more a case of tactical manoeuvrers and the wearing down of resolve. I will wait until she is out in the garden and then will sit back and relax in comfort. She will retaliate the next time she’s in by lying on my tobacco. It’s a war of nerves, though she refuses to call it a “war”. Apparently it’s a “Special Military Operation” or somesuch.

There is an uneasy truce at the moment. She has reclaimed the back of the seat and is firmly curled up and has resolved not to move. I have claimed the front of the seat thereby cutting her off from retreat [or resupply]. As a siege it’s not that comfortable but in wartime we must all make some sacrifices. She actually makes quite a good soft warm cushion.

I do fear though that she may use the Nuclear Option, which she has threatened in the past.

I’ll know if I find she’s done a dump on my Red Chair.