Things are starting to fall into place.

I took the bull by the handlebars yesterday and trotted into Skobieville.

My first port of call was to purchase a new kettle, I seem to have a thing with kettles as they start to let me down after a few years and start to leak. Ours developed a leak where the spout was welded on and I fixed that with Liquid Steel [brilliant stuff]. The kettle wasn’t too happy with that and immediately developed a leak at the water gauge. I fixed that with Gorilla Tape [brilliant stuff] and it promptly developed a leak in its guts somewhere. Time for a replacement.

While I was in Skobieville I called into my new bank. I was barely in the door when I was accosted by a young woman. Could she help me? I explained how Social Protection were driving me up the walls demanding all sorts of proof that I was who I said I was and that I wasn’t part of the Kinahan Gang, or any other druggie gang for that matter and that they wouldn’t change my allowance to my new account. I showed her the letter I had received from them and she muttered a string of rather uncomplimentary colourful language about Gubmint departments and bureaucracy in general and said she would fix it. She seemed to be unaware that the bank is just as bad but I let that go. She was too nice.

While I waited, she typed out a curt letter to Social Protection and even gave me an envelope. I’ll probably see a bill for that in my next statement. Anyhows she was very sympathetic and wished me luck.

Back home I unpacked the new kettle. There were instructions on the box telling me how to use it. First of all I had to take that little box yoke on the end of the wire and stick it into the wall where there are three little holes. I did that. It then told me to pour what looks like water into the inside of the kettle. It didn’t tell me how to open the lid [I discovered that for myself] but did give me an option of pouring the water [or whatever] into the spout. It then showed me how to put the kettle on its stand and finally there was an illustration of the little lever which I had to press down. It worked! I don’t know how I would have managed without the instructions though.

So today I am enjoying copious mugs of tea without a single puddle on the kitchen floor. This afternoon I shall post the letter to my good friends in Social Protection which should keep them happy until they dream up a new obstacle.

Times are improving.