I received an email today.

It went straight into my Junkbox where I probably should have left it.

I can't tell you that much about it because it says [and I quote] –

This e-mail is the copyright of Web Sheriff®. The contents of this e-mail are strictly private confidential, are for the attention of the addressee(s) only and may also qualify for legal privilege. This communication may not be disclosed or otherwise communicated to anyone other than the addressee(s), nor may it be copied or reproduced in any way without the written authorization of Web Sheriff®. If received in error, please contact our London office on +44(0)208-323 8013, or our Los Angeles Office on +1-424-238 4551 or our New York office on +1-212-601 2723 (as applicable and depending upon time-zones), quoting the name of the sender and the addressee(s), then please delete it from your system. Please note that whilst we have taken all reasonable steps to ensure there are no viruses contained within this e-mail and any attachments, it is your responsibility to ensure they are scanned and virus free. Neither Web Sheriff® nor the sender accepts responsibility for any interception of this e-mail by unauthorized persons and please be aware that internet e-mail is not a completely secure method of communication.

Quite a mouthful?

I looked up Web Sheriff® and apparently they are some kind of Interweb Police force – "Internet Protector to the Stars"?  What the fuck?  The stars need their own police force now?

Anyhows, they tell me I'm in breach of something but they can't say what because of an injunction.  I was going to write to ask what I was breaching, but actually they tell me –

UK CONTEMPT OF COURT ACT (CONTEMPT OF COURT NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION ARTICLE 1 §1 (INVASION OF PRIVACY NOTICE)
EUROPEAN CONVENTION ON HUMAN RIGHTS ARTICLE 8 (INVASION OF PRIVACY NOTICE)
FEDERAL DATA PROTECTION REGULATIONS (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
EU DATA PROTECTION DIRECTIVE (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
UK DATA PROTECTION ACT (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS DECENCY ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA PENAL CODE §646.9 & §653.2 (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA CIVIL CODE § 1708.7 (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK COMMUNICATIONS ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK PREVENTION OF HARASSMENT ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK COMPUTER MISUSE ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
DIGITAL MILLENNIUM COPYRIGHT ACT (COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT NOTICE)
EUROPEAN UNION COPYRIGHT DIRECTIVE (COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT NOTICE)
FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION E-COMMERCE REGULATIONS (CONSUMER PROTECTION NOTICE)
EUROPEAN UNION E-COMMERCE DIRECTIVE (CONSUMER PROTECTION NOTICE)
INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION ON CYBERCRIME (PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING NOTICE)
– and –
NOTICE OF BREACH OF ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE
NOTICE OF BREACH OF WEB-SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE

Holy fucking cow!  Have I been a naughty boy or what?  I'm even breaching my own sites Terms of Service?  [In fact they are breaching my terms of service as I never got the brown envelope]

So what in the name of Jayzus are they on about?

Well, they provided me with a link which provided me with 70 pages of the type of shit that lawyers roll around in, but was of little interest to me.  Why should I be interested in a judgment in a foreign court?

I was beginning to see the light. 

Lest there be any doubt, they gave a brief synopsis of the complaint –

1. Complainant : APPELLANT (COMPLAINANT’S IDENTITY PROTECTED BY COURT OF APPEAL RULING / ORDER)
2. Rights Agent : WEB SHERIFF®
3. Infringed Rights :
A. PRIVACY RIGHTS (PROTECTED BY INJUNCTION / CONTEMPT OF COURT),
B. DATA PROTECTION RIGHTS (DITTO),
C. HUMAN RIGHTS (DITTO),
D. RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY (NAME & IMAGE RIGHTS),
E. PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION,
F. BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION,
G. COPYRIGHT
H. CONSUMER PROTECTION RIGHTS (AS APPLICABLE – PLEASE SEE URL LIST BELOW)
4. Infringed Individual(s) / Entities : APPELLANT (COMPLAINANT’S IDENTITY PROTECTED BY COURT OF APPEAL RULING / ORDER)
5. Infringing / Violating Materials :
A. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES WHICH ARE THE SUBJECT OF AN INTERLOCUTORY INJUNCTION & ALLIED REPORTING RESTRICTIONS GRANTED BY THE COURT OF APPEAL OF THE HIGH COURTS OF JUSTICE, LONDON, ENGLAND (AND THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH CONTRAVENES & VIOLATES THE TERMS OF THE SAID INJUNCTION & REPORTING RESTRICTIONS),
B. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC DATA PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
C. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE HUMAN RIGHTS / RIGHT-TO-PRIVACY OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
D. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY OF THE PERTINENT SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
E. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
F. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
G. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC CONSUMER PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
H. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
I. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING LEGISLATION & TREATIES, J. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED & PIRATED COPYRIGHT CONTENT / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE COMPLAINANT'S COPYRIGHT,
K. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH BREACHES THE ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY,
L. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH BREACHES THE INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (AS APPLICABLE – PLEASE SEE URL LIST BELOW).
6. Infringing / Violating Activity (as applicable) :
A. PUBLICATION IN CONTEMPT OF COURT (ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION, DATA & IMAGES WHICH ARE THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION GRANTED BY THE COURT OF APPEAL, LONDON, ENGLAND AND IN DIRECT CONTRAVENTION / VIOLATION OF SUCH ORDER / INJUNCTION AND ALL RELEVANT REPORTING RESTRICTIONS RELATING THERETO)
B. HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HUMAN RIGHTS LEGISLATION AND TREATIES THROUGH FAILURE TO ABIDE BY RIGHT-TO-PRIVACY PURSUANT TO, INTER ALIA, ARTICLE 8 OF THE EUROPEAN CONVENTION ON HUMAN RIGHTS & ARTICLE 1 §1 OF THE CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION AND WAY OF THE ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION WHICH IS THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION AND IN CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE THE SUBJECTS OF SUCH INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES HAD A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF AND LEGAL ENTITLEMENT TO PRIVACY)
C. DATA PROTECTION VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC DATA PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH FAILURE TO ABIDE BY SUCH DATA PROTECTION LAWS AND BY WAY OF THE ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION WHICH IS THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION)
D. RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, EXPLOITATION & DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION OF NAMES AND / OR LIKENESSES PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF NAMES AND / OR LIKENESSES IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
E. PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
F. BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
G. HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH THE POSTING OF MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS AND OTHERWISE THROUGH THE PUBLICATION OF MATERIALS WITH THE INTENTION TO WILFULLY & MALICIOUSLY HARASS)
H. COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF COPYRIGHT MATERIALS PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF COPYRIGHT MATERIALS IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES)
I. CONSUMER PROTECTION RIGHTS VIOLATIONS (VIOLATIONS OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC CONSUMER PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH MISLEADING AND DECEPTIVE TRADE PRACTICES & FALSE ENDORSEMENTS AND / OR THROUGH FAILURE TO PUBLISH LEGAL OWNERSHIP DETAILS OF INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE AND / OR FAILURE TO PUBLISH FULL, ADDRESS & CONTACT DETAILS FOR INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE)
J. PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING VIOLATIONS (VIOLATIONS OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH THE HANDLING AND / OR LAUNDERING OF THE PROCEEDS OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY)
K. BREACH OF ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (BY REASON OF THE ABOVE VIOLATIONS & INFRINGEMENTS)
L. BREACH OF INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (BY REASON OF THE ABOVE VIOLATIONS & INFRINGEMENTS) ** TRADEMARK & GENERAL RESERVATION OF RIGHTS ** ALL REGISTERED, COMMON-LAW & PENDING TRADEMARK RIGHTS ARE HEREBY STRICTLY RESERVED – AS ARE ALL OTHER RIGHTS OF AN INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY NATURE (WHETHER EXPOUNDED HEREIN OR OTHERWISE).
7. Infringing / Violating Web Site : HEADRAMBLES.COM
8. Infringing / Violating File Location(s) : http://headrambles.com/2016/05/26/cannot-be-named-in-england-and-wales/

Aha!  So it's yesterday's post they are whinging about?

Now I don't give a shite about Web Cowboys[®] as I'm not under the jurisdiction of England or Wales, and certainly not California.  I have never even heard of the vast majority of the above.

However…….

They might just start hassling the people who host my site [who don’t give a shit what I write about] and I don't want to give them any trouble.

So I have redacted the names from the wee yoke I wrote yesterday.  I'm fucked though if I'm going to trawl through cached files on all the servers in the world, as they demand.  Who the fuck do they think they are?

Of course they are going to bitch about this post too.

But there again, if they don't want the contents of their letter published they shouldn't have sent the fucking thing.