So here was I thinking I was in for a nice relaxing day.

The first thing I did was to check if my little automated computery downloads had worked overnight.  They hadn't.  I forgot that I had changed the passwords on one of my sites, so the biggest one [it had to be the biggest one] had failed so I had to do it manually.  That was my Interweb connection booked for an age.

So there was I with a saturated Interweb connection and trying to see what was going on in the world.

Not much.

Then I get an email from a friend saying that his site had suddenly started advertising Viagra all over the place and was there any chance I could sort of lend a hand.  Who am I to refuse?

That meant a load of downloading and uploading through an already saturated connection.  Things were getting hairy to put it mildly.

I eventually found where the damage had been done and fixed it.  I also wrote a lovely mail to Google asking if they could kindly stop telling people that my friend's site wasn't a fucking dangerous site to visit. 

Also my gigantic download had finished at last.

OK, so I had found the damaged files, but now I had to find out how they were damaged.  More of my day gone up the spout.

I found the little problem [someone had left the toilet window open around the back and they got in that way] and fixed it.

I then sat back to start my day afresh.

Except that instead of being eleven of the clock it is now well after three, and not a child in the house washed.

I got chatting to another friend on line and mentioned my little woes.  "Ah" says he, "you're like a swan.  All calm on the surface but paddling like fuck under the water."  Or words to that effect.

So here I am, with my little wet legs all exhausted and realising that the day has entirely passed me by.

Would anyone mind if I set the time back by five hours?