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Side effects

Head Rambles Posted on by

I hate medication.

My philosophy is to try to avoid any medication I can’t grow myself in a pot.

Unfortunately, as the clock ticks on, the old body is beginning to slow down.  Bits are starting to drop off.  I have rising damp in my basement.  My cylinders are worn, and I’m starting to leak oil.

The Doc put me on some new medication recently.  They are big blue capsules that look more like a horse enema than anything else. 

He prescribed them to counteract the effects of the red tablets, that were making me walk sideways.

The red tablets were to counteract the side effects of the little yellow ones that turned my pee green.

The yellow ones were to counteract the side effects of the big white ones that gave me headaches.

The white ones are to counteract the side effects of the big blue capsules.

All medication seems to have side effects, and this annoys me.  What is worse is that they never seem to be able to predict what the side effects will be.  [“Please note – this medication may cause elation and/or depression”]. 

On the bit of paper that comes with the blue capsules, it lists one of the side effects as “this medication may cause compulsive gambling”!  What?  How can medication cause compulsive gambling?

That has to be a lie.

I’ll bet anyone €500 that they made that up.

 

Comments

Side effects — 26 Comments

  1. I think you got the short straw there – mine say you could experience loss of libido – but I haven’t noticed it yet and hopefully I’m coming off them soon!! Sell you some?

  2. They seem to be obsessed with libido. Mine just say I may notice a change but they don’t sey whether it’s for better or worse. Covering their options?
    Send ’em over. They might come in handy , as long as they don’t clash with the other colours.

  3. quite boring really – plain white – round – not supposed to drink alcohol with (I don’t think so) – can make you depressed and they are for panic!

  4. Oh, those ones. Doc prescribed them once, but when I saw the list of side effects, I threw them away in a panic.

  5. yep – them’s the babies!!! I’m intrigued by your yellow ones though – I think we should go back to purple ones

  6. usually if they say do not consume alcohol with it, it means that alcohol with enhance the effect. remember quaaludes? mmm, such an awesome drug. it was totally created just for me. damn, abusers made them go and take it off the market. haven’t been the same since 🙂

  8. There are several drugs that can cause compulsive behaviour. There’s one for Parkinson’s that can cause compulsive gambling, sexual activity or eating. In a few days you’ll be completely uncontrollable, Grandad. You’ll be rampaging through the village like a whirling dervish, betting, flirting and bingeing like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll alert the gardai so they can save you from yourself.

    Oh, and can I have my €500 now?

  9. Sounds Like you have quite a stash. I remember my Grandmother being the family dealer, she would hang around in her hoody by the fire and dish out the happiness to who ever needed it. Hers came without a warning though. There’s a little sideline for you.

  10. I think I have some yellow ones somewhere. They bring my ears out in a rash.

    Nick – Double or quits?

    Wolfy – Grannies are great for handing out the happy pills. Herself hoards mine and flogs them down in the village.

  11. kate they were like 2 10 mg valiums without the side effects or the dependency, contrary to popular belief. they allowed you to go to sleep and wake up like a new person, no depression, no hunger caused by depression, no intimidation, caused by depression, no inhibitions. at least for me they allowed me to be who I was supposed to be without all the baggage 🙂

  13. yep, i figured the pharmaceutical industry had earned it’s chops with that one. too bad idiots found out about them too and through their idiocy made them unavailable to the one’s who really needed them.

  15. From what I’m hearing lately, going anywhere within a down-wind of a hospital and you’re a gambler.

  16. After my infamous blackout of ’99 I’m not allowed any more pills. Or was that I should take more pills. I can’t remember. It’s going dark again.

  18. That’s a lot of pills. You’ll feel the sting now the medical card is means tested for the over 70’s….

    (sorry, can’t help myself now)

  20. Xbox – If you think that old cow will get one over me!! I can fiddle the books as well as the next man.

    SH – Yes. Of course. No dope in the blood – no award.

  21. Then there are the white ones that I have to grind up and sprinkle on his yogurt! They are vital for the safety of the family and the villagers in general.

  23. Granny, any chance you could package and push that yoghurt onto a “former’s moorket’ stall here in da city?

  24. Spaghetti Hoop: I am already doing that line at the Country Markets. I call it Yoghurtsurprise. It goes down a bomb treat with the whiskey cake.

  25. Nice one Granny. I’ll look out for it – might keep Paul Williams off my patch. When I grow up to be a grandparent and lose my driving licence and medical card, I’m taking up narcotics. Nobody gives out to you then.

  26. Okay, let me check here…

    3 for high blood pressure (2 of ’em twice a day),

    2 to keep the stomach acid from blowing out my ears (twice a day),

    one for chronic pain (which I quit…made me depressed…rather deal with the pain),

    one to help me with…well….never mind that one and no, it doesn’t have anything to do with sex,

    one to keep my legs from beating the rest of my body to death and…

    …a better one for chronic pain that doesn’t make me depressed but keeps me from any sort of serious blogging…

    …

    …which makes me depressed…

    …

    …what?

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