I am going to open a university.

It is going to offer the usual range of qualifications, from Certificates up to, and including Masters Degrees.

But before you go rushing off to apply, there is one thing you should know – it is a very exclusive university. To qualify for entry, you must be a spammer.

I receive a lot of spam. Don’t we all? And the one thing that seems to be lacking in all spammers is a basic education. They can’t spell. They haven’t even the basic rudiments of grammar. They don’t seem to realise that it undermines their message.

For example, I defy you to invest in a company that advertises

We’re glad to present a new suggestion you won’t deny. Here is a great chance to makemoney without running the risk of losing them. Without doubt, it is a firm bargain.

Can you imagine holding erudite and profound conversations with a life-long partner who introduces herself [or himself?] with the following –

Hi there lovely,
I was searching the net few days ago. I am new to this thinga. and saw your profile. I decided to email you cause I found you attractive.
I might come down to your city in few weeks. Let me know if we can meet each other in person.
I am attractive girl. I am sure you won’t regret it.

Would you buy Viagra or Cialis from “VjAGRA_nw_$1,78, CjALiS_uz_$3,00” when they can’t even spell it?

The one that finally gave me the idea was a gem I received the other day –

Hello Rgjournal!!.
Absloutely are no cotnracted tests, classes, books, or interviews !
Attain a_Bachelor,s Masters., MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma.
Get the rewards nad support_that comes with a.diploma !
Nobody is reejcted
anonymityq uestionless

Even the universities need educating!

So my friend Sam is going to set up my mail system, so that every spam will receive a reply….

Deer Spammer
We thank your for message I red, adn we hav offer you can refuse not.
I can help you impres your reeders by edyoucating you in how to spelling and make words put together.
You wil get gooder sales. You wil sell things better.
Aply now to the Headrambles University!
You wil regret it not.
Replie to this male with your [no doubt,stolen] credit card detales.
Yoors sinseerly
Grandad