I’m back.

Herself made a phonecall to George W this morning. Poor chap. I almost feel sorry for him.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that they decided to let me go, provided I publish an apology to the people of America.

I have done this. I have placed a full page apology in the Mullingar Beekeepers Monthly which will be on sale in all good newsagents next week [in Mullingar, anyway].

They looked after me well. They only tortured me a little bit. They tried shouting at me, but I’m getting deaf these days, so that didn’t work. They tried beating be around a bit, but after nearly forty years of married life I’m immune to that. They tried attaching electrodes to my private parts and lamming 20,000 volts through me, but if you’ve ever had a vindaloo curry from our local takeaway, you’ll know the effect is much the same.

So they got bored with me. Then George W rang them in tears, and they flew me home.

I see the Sunday Times has decided to pinch my ideas now. They have a two page spread expanding on my yesterdays thoughts. I’m flattered.

[Note to the CIA: you can remove that van from outside my house now. The one with the tinted windows. Somehow I think the “Washington Power and Utilities” logo on the side is a bit of a giveaway anyway, here in rural Ireland]