Another introduction. This time it’s my daughter’s turn. I can’t post a photograph of her on the Net because the last time I did, she was rather angry. [but I made a lot of money out of it.]

She is a lovely girl. She is tall, beautiful, a great cook, and has a great sense of humour. Most important though – she likes her Old Man. We get on very well. She is great fun to have around. I love her very much.

She also brings me presents from time to time. Earlier in the year she gave me a load of plants for the conservatory, which was nice. They weren’t very nice looking but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

I looked up the plants in my handbook but couldn’t find them, which was strange. They grew beautifully. They became enormous and blocked most of the light out of the conservatory. Also they smelt a bit strange. But they were a present, and I was too sentimental to throw them out.

However, after a few months they began to look sad. The leaves turned brown and the smell was overpowering, so I decided that it was time for them to go.

We aren’t allowed bonfires in the garden any more so I burned them in the grate. They burned very well, but they made the chimney smoke a bit, so that made our eyes water.

The reason I remember that night so well is that that was the night we discovered “Oireachtas Report” on RTE. That was one of the funniest programs I ever saw. It was up there with Reggie Perrin and Fawlty Towers. We screamed with laughter. We wet ourselves. It was hilarious. Actually most of the programmes on RTE were funny that night, which is unusual.

I phoned my daughter the next day to confess that I had thrown out her present. She didn’t seem too pleased. I think she called me a skunk, but the line was bad so I’m not sure.

We couldn’t wait for the next “Oireachtas Report”. But it wasn’t funny. In fact, it was incredibly boring. They must have changed the scriptwriters.