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The definition of brainless

Head Rambles Posted on by

I have met many idiots in my time.

Some were more idiotic than others but the that’s to be expected.

But what do you do when you come across someone who is so idiotic, so utterly lacking in any resemblance of brainpower, so fucking thick that by comparison, a lump of granite would be a candidate for Mensa?

I read about such an entity during the week.

How ten years of tobacco control success has helped me.

Okay, so here’s a bloke who is a rabid Anti Smoker.  I can deal with that.  He is one of ASH’s favourite lapdog poodles.  I can deal with that one too.

But this bloke is a tobacconist.  Yes – part of his income comes from the sale of cigarettes and he hates the fact, and wishes they were banned from the face of the planet.

WELL, DON’T FUCKING SELL THEM THEN!

He bemoans the low profits they make and the amount of space they take up.

WELL, DON’T FUCKING SELL THEM THEN!

The truth is that selling tobacco for me is a burden not a benefit and one I wish I didn’t have to shoulder. I have to tie up lots of money in stock — money which I could spend more usefully elsewhere, and space which I could put to better use. For historical reasons, cigarettes are in the space behind the till, even if they are hidden now. That’s prime space, all my customers see that space front and centre every time they make a purchase. It would be so much better for my business to use it for premium, high margin products instead of tobacco.

WELL, DON’T FUCKING SELL THEM THEN!

I’m glad tobacco sales are going down, as the demand for tobacco is falling, I can use the high value space in my shop to give people what they want, and I can make more money. I can spend less money on tobacco stock and diversify, and try new things which are more profitable and much less harmful. Most importantly, I can start selling more birthday cards, and fewer sympathy cards, as my customers become healthier, happier and live longer.

SO WHY ARE YOU SELLING THEM NOW?

I confess I am completely baffled by this character.  How the hell did he survive long enough to reach adulthood?  How does he actually manage to run a business?  I have met bunches of nettles in my garden that have more sense than this bloke.  My pond would beat him at a game of chess.

Or is it a wind up?  Is it some kind of joke?

He is just too fucking moronic to be real.

But there again, he is a fan of ASH.

 

 

Comments

The definition of brainless — 14 Comments

    • I thought I’d seen his name before all right.  He strikes me as the type where other shopkeepers duck into the store room when they see him coming.

  2. They wheel this guy out every time they want a tasty anti-smoking soundbite from the retail trade. I think he’s the only one they’ve got, because it’s always the same guy. As you point out, GD, he’s actually under no obligation to sell tobacco products at all – it’s not as if anyone is holding a gun to his head. Beggars belief, really, that he continues to sell what he hates and then moans like fuck about it. He is, as you say, just too moronic to be real.

    • The whole article defies all logic, yet there are those out there who will nod their heads sagely and sympathise with him.  The poor chap should have been culled at birth to save him from such a miserable [self imposed] life.

  3. Unless of course he’s on the ASH payroll? Maybe he lost a fortune of tobacco sales business and said to himself, ‘If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.’ 
    His obvious bullshit would make sense then, wouldn’t it?

    • He probably is.  Or maybe he has been sucked into the concept that any advertising by Big Tobacco has to be obeyed to the letter?

      Thank God I don’t rely on him for my supplies – I wouldn’t know whether to boycott him on principle, or insist on buying loads of baccy just to piss him off.

      • I’d go all ‘Legiron’ on him. Handing him my cash and making sure each note was stamped with : “DANGER. 3rd Hand smoke! Handled by a smoker!NOW WASH YOUR HANDS!” (no longer possible btw on the newer plasticated bank notes). I would merrily inform him that nicotine atoms can permeate through several layers of plastic and that just restocking the shelves behind the blast doors was taking years off his life.

        Then back home i would anonymously ring the council and grass him up for every breach of the Tobacco Control Regulations. There are so many that no even halfway busy shop can obey them all all the time. I would insist he be closed down -for the sake of the children of course.

        As much as I consider perjury a wicked sin (and I do really, in some ways worse than murder) I think i might find a 17 year old who looked older and ….

        • I would lay any odds you like that he’s the type who would ask fifty and sixty year olds for proof of age.  He probably gives a little lecture on the evils of tobacco with every sale.  A right barrel of laughs….

  4. A mouthy gutless wonder with no principles. There is no reason for him to sell tobacco products —- but they attract customers into his shop where they also buy more profitable items. Without tobacco they’d go elsewhere and he’d lose plenty of his ‘profitable’ sales and stand to lose his business.

    • It’s all Big Tobacco’s fault.  They promised him riches with their glitzy advertising and now he is addicted.

  6. This one’s pretty easy. Let’s see, the man is a shopkeeper that sells all sorts of stuff other than tobacco products. If it’s anything like over here, including the “all-things-tobacco behind the till” thing then if he gets rid of the tobacco he loses around half his customer base. And a good portion of that half of his smoking/chewing customer base probably buy more than just tobacco or cigs.

    Okay, so the guy is a massive hypocrite. Sounds like he should quit his bitchin’ and just mind the store.

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