I’m not a great lover of food.
In my book, food is just fuel. I avoid all those foody programmes on television as I find them utterly pointless. What is the point of a programme about a subject which can only be judged by its taste and smell? It’s like watching snooker on an old black and white television. And the only qualification those presenters seem to have is the ability to talk a lot of shite, to wave their hands around a lot and to add any ingredient from ceiling height.
If I were left to my own devices, I’m not quite sure what would happen. Meals here generally are determined by Herself and her demands. If I refuse to feed her she would only report me to the Social Services again. So I am stuck with preparing meals.
There is a Chinese Takeaway that does deliveries but their standard has gone through the floor. They are for extreme emergencies only. There was an Indian crowd who did brilliant curries but they closed. Don’t even mention pizzas! If I want to eat cardboard, I’ll eat cardboard. There’s loads in the garage.
The easiest way out of cooking is to get something pre-prepared. One of the delivery supermarkets here does a reasonable line in these even to the point of a couple of them being actually edible. The trouble with them is that they all seem to have a short shelf life so we have to lace through the lot before they expire.
I do have a recipe or two that I can bung up just for a drop of variety. I do a sort of spaghetti dish we call bolognaise but it’s entirely my own invention – it involves a lot of lamb mince and tomatoes. I also do a mean beef soup thing but I can only do that in cold weather as it is HOT. I like spices. The beef soup is spicy.
A local shop here started doing take-away dinners. I like a few of them but one by one Herself found fault and we were reduced to just one which she loves. They call it Mexican Bean Stew. The problem is that they only serve it in Winter and we are now actually in Summer [yes – the sun is shining]. So the thought crossed my mind: maybe I could invent my own Mexican Bean Stew?
The next time I ordered groceries I went through the lists and ordered any tin that mentions beans. Black bean, Cannelloni beans, kidney beans, you get the idea? I fucked the lot into a large saucepan along with red, green and yellow peppers [for colour] and stirred it up. Bland! It needed a kicker. So I did some research and found Diced Chipotle Peppers . I shoved in a couple of teaspoons as it’s really hot stuff. Jackpot! Herself loved it. I loved it. It also has the advantage of knocking every known laxative into a cocked hat.
Grocery deliveries now consist of a large consignment of tins. They keep forever so we’ll not starve. The only fresh ingredients are the peppers which I can get in the village. Sorted.
Herself is demanding food as I scribble this.
I’ll make her a banana sandwich.